Plain As Dirt: I’m saving up for Las Vegas |

Plain As Dirt: I’m saving up for Las Vegas

Tom Glass
Vail Valley, CO Colorado
Tom Glass

“It’s the end of the world as we know it … and I feel fine”

” R.E.M.

You gotta love that tune. It’s a rave up and has held up. It’s been around long enough to have become an anthem, if anybody is interested in an anthem that appears unclaimed.

Maybe I’m reading too much these days about climate, energy and all the knuckleheads in this world that aren’t like you and me, because it’s starting to affect my sleep.

Just between us, I’m thinking I’m probably better off leaving my social consciousness undeveloped. I sleep better when I’m in a relaxed state, and I can think of little that I have read of late that is in the least bit relaxing.

My dreams are being haunted by the likes of Rachel Carson and Nostradamus ” not a good thing ” because their bearded love children spawned in my dreams all look like forty Afghani mullahs dealing with a poppy crop failure.

To get back right with the world, I plan to revamp my library, dwell more on the positive, maybe spend some quality time planning my garden and maybe spend some time planning yours.

Because gardening is such a stress reliever, this year I plan to garden in a big way. Go huge, and garden all the way to Las Vegas.

I’ve been thinking that maybe folks and fish downstream could use a little more of what I’ve got running out the bottom of my pots, so I’m fixin’ to cut my irrigation by 33 percent this year, and another 33 percent next year. By spring 2010, I plan to be prepared to use roughly 40 percent of the amount of water I spent on flower gardening last summer.

To accomplish my goals for this year, I’m planting only three pots ” one in front of the house, one pot on the deck and, of course, the kitchen herb pot. It’s always nice to have one pot to welcome guests, one pot on the deck to enjoy in the evenings and some fresh thyme, basil and oregano within easy reach when cooking.

I know you’re probably wondering “why in the hell are you sending your water to Vegas? I mean, nobody’s asking for it directly.”

You know what? I’m thinking they might need it more than me, maybe not today, but certainly tomorrow.

In the past, Las Vegas has been such a poor steward of the water that they’ve received that you can bank on the fact that they’ll squander my sacrifice in a few seconds of evaporative waste in just one great fountain eruption alone.

You gotta love it. That kind of display of excess is what gets people off ” particularly in Vegas. Why else would casinos perpetuate that kind of thing? Nobody in Vegas is doing anything that isn’t aimed at freeing up tourists’ minds from their wallets.

At any rate, I’m going to garden with less so that tourists in Vegas can be assured of an opportunity to gape at monumental waste.

To do this, I’m going to get on my hands and knees and work water-holding, organic matter such as manure and pine mulch into my flower beds so that what little irrigation water they do receive next year is not wasted. I’m going to plant a whole lot fewer brightly colored annuals and replace dead hot-house ornamentals with plants native to here. And I’m going to gain an appreciation for the beauty in that.

Oh, and I’m going to do it expecting nothing in return but a better night’s sleep.

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