Proposed Edwards subdivision could face devastating wildfire (letter)
December 27, 2018
Tongues that wag are expounding the virtues of the latest limited edition, highly prized luxury bauble.
"The Berlaimont Estates Toe Tag!" A must have, er … ummm … must-wear accessory while in residence at the lofty aerie of Berlaimont Estates. Every resident will be issued a lovely boxed set of toe tags upon closing the purchase of the 17 available to the public McMansion lots which may include up to 19 ancillary buildings (aka caretaker units). The other two McMansion lots may be held in reserve for the developers for a total of 19 primary residences, 19 ancillary dwellings.
More precious than a wedding ring or the crown jewels, jewelers will be in awe of the intricate detail of the exquisite engraving of the personalized Berlaimont Estates Toe Tag. Required information will include each resident's name, date of birth, Social Security number and next of kin.
With access by only one road into the Berlaimont Estates and the same road out, life is guaranteed to be a death-defying, exhilarating experience as the super-heated forest fire laps at your tires. The encroaching flames adding an incredible vision of a once-in-a-lifetime orange-white hot glow aura. You feel the incinerating warmth of the wind-whipped flames, dancing closer to your vehicle's full gas tank. Just imagine the smoke-choked view through your windshield as you flee single file in a me-first traffic jam made up of your now-frenemy neighbor who is pushing your melting luxury vehicle off the road to get by. They too, are frantically trying to escape the inferno.
As for those whom elect to "shelter in place" within the estate confines, kindly wear your one-of-a-kind, very exclusive, expensive high melt point tungsten steel toe tag. This will enable the fire cleanup crew and coroner to more easily identify your cremains.
Oh the humanity, as the ash-filled remains of Berlaimont Estates rumble down the mountain in a debris-filled landslide. Cremains melding with last week's rump roast, choking the natural drainages of Beard Creek and Berry Creek, thus creating a newly-birthed series of ponds. The beauty of the ponds hide the tragedy of the lives lost on that very preventable loss of life day, better known as the Berlaimont Estates inferno.
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Sadly, a hard lesson learned again. One road in, same road out equals "paved road of tears."
It is not if, it is when a natural forest fire will ignite. The current owners and partners may acknowledge and accept the risk of one road in and out. The purchasers of the other 17 lots may not ever fully understand the danger at hand, until the inevitable happens.
But wait, there's more: Along with every toe tag, a lovely cremains urn will be included. What a lovely addition to any surviving next of kin mantle.