Richard Carnes; Even Homer can push a button |

Richard Carnes; Even Homer can push a button

Alfred E. Newman can push a button, too, as well as Larry, Moe and Curly.

Even Harry and Lloyd (of “Dumb and Dumber” fame) had the mental capacity to push the button to open the briefcase, yet here we are, in realityville, forced to deal with the Shoe Bomber, the Underwear Bomber, and now the Firecracker/Baby Alarm Clock Bomber.

None who, apparently, had the brain power to make anything, much less innocent women and children, go “BOOM!”

So far these brainwashed morons cannot even coordinate their digital watches in anticipation of pressing the “Kill All Infidels” button any better than John Belushi signaling the massive marble toss at the end of “Animal House.”

What a boneheaded bunch of buffoons, and we’re supposed to take these pompous cretins seriously? I’d like to say the religious fanatics of Islam are being run by a bunch of clowns, but I have this thing about offending clowns.

Even a Taliban training group in Pakistan said that while they admire Faisal Shahzad’s intentions two weeks ago in New York City, they did not train him. “Perhaps another group did,” said the spokesman for one of the many terrorists training facilities in northern Pakistan (which apparently pop in and out of existence faster than Starbucks in Detroit).

In other words, “Hey, he’s not our guy. Our suicide bombers are dumb, sure, but they’re not THAT stupid …”

And let’s not forget these imbeciles belong to the same cult that just last summer in Sudan swarmed by the thousands, armed with clubs, knives and axes, demanding the execution of a second-grade teacher convicted of insulting Islam by allowing students to name a teddy bear “Muhammad.”

Yep, I think the lobby of the Middle East Mensa Chapter is a very lonely place.

Fanaticism, whether from the extreme right or left, is just another word for insanity, and as long as these devout nutcases continue to play Taliban roulette with an empty pistol, we’ll be fine.

However, sarcastic analogies of fictional characters and the lack of intellectual prowess of terrorist wanna-bes don’t mean diddly when it comes to the reality of good ol’ American fear, as the numerous false alarms nationwide has proven over the last week.

Whether intel from a sooper sekret gov’mit agency headed by Inspector Clouseau or a hot dog vendor noticing a curiously parked car, if Wile E. Coyote pulls up to Times Square, jumps out of his ACME vehicle, sprints away, and 30 seconds later it explodes, killing hundreds, no prevention of any kind can save the day.

And it will not have been the fault of Clinton, Bush, Obama, or Jews, Christians or anyone else you can think of, except for the obvious.

Fault will rest solely on the cowardly shoulders of the one idiot who gets “lucky” and actually succeeds in slaughtering innocent people, all for the benefit of his leaders who have convinced him their beliefs in ancient superstitions imbues the moral right to do so.

Sadly, any American who thinks America will remain incident-free forever is about as naive as serving pork at a Ramadan celebration.

Richard Carnes of Edwards writes weekly. He can be reached at Comment on

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