Richard Carnes: Finally seeing the light, Vail Valley
OK, I get it; I understand.In spite of my many skeptical words in the past concerning a plethora of subjects, I have finally come to my senses, seen the light, turned over a new leaf.The clouds have parted, and from this point forward, you will see a new me, a fresh Richard, with an open mind toward anything and everything, no matter how strongly I might have disagreed with the subject in the past.I now accept the supernatural as just another level of reality and believe mankind to be 6,000 years old, that all dinosaur bones were planted, that scientific methods of dating give consistently false readings and that irreducible complexity is a valid explanation for the evolutionary origin of eyeballs and blood clotting.I now believe President Obama secretly wears a purple turban and will soon announce his plans for worldwide domination through socialism and gun control.Rush Limbaugh and Karl Rove are both intellectual geniuses and, along with Bobby Jindal, can bring the Republican Party back to a position of respectable leadership in less than two years.Nancy Pelosi is my new hero.And while my heart has changed, so has my current economic outlook.Losing a small fortune in the markets has forced me to rethink my financial priorities. As most know, I had earned the bulk of my wealth the old-fashioned way (I married it) and have spent the past 13 years managing it the old-fashioned way (I spent it), leaving me with no choice but to commit myself to an act so egregious, so out of character, that I am (almost) embarrassed to admit it in print.Yes, I am waiting tables.And not just any tables but the nice ones that can only be found at Rick & Kellys American Bistro in the Edwards Riverwalk.As a matter of fact, my very first attempt at balancing food and drink orders along with my sense of humble humor begins Wednesday night, and I would like to ask each of you to, please, come for dinner.Yep, each and every one of you out there in Happy Valley is invited to test my skills as a server and, please, tip accordingly.Right now is probably as good a time as any to mention that all (well, almost) of the above is completely insincere babble. As Mark Twain once said, The first of April is when we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year, and Wednesday is no exception.I made it all up; my words are not sincere in the slightest, with the only exception being the waiting-tables part Wednesday night. That much is true.Although not attempting to do it for a living, the event will actually occur as the April Fools of the Valley Dinner to benefit Battle Mountain High Schools Project Graduation 2009.Featuring Happy Valleys favorite characters as your servers, all tips and proceeds of a silent auction will be donated to Project Graduation, which each year provides a safe and sober evening of celebration for graduating seniors. Their theme is Get in touch with your inner fool, yet somehow, they still asked me to participate.Ill be the one with the flask under his apron.Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes a column for the Daily. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.