Richard Carnes: ‘Oops’ won’t cut it |

Richard Carnes: ‘Oops’ won’t cut it

What is more terrifying to come across in the woods, a 300-pound redneck with a rifle or a dog with a stick?

I’ll give you a few seconds to ponder the question.

All those still undecided at this short point need to put the newspaper down, grab the nearest item resembling a 2-by-4, and proceed to bash yourself in the forehead until coming to the painful conclusion commonly referred to as “senses.”

Last week’s slaughter of Crowley, a sweet-faced chocolate Lab owned by local Dave Perron and being taken care of by local Nathan Schroepfer, has succeeded in taking the brunt of local conversation off the ailing worldwide economy and back to where it is much easier to digest, which is, of course, home.

To loosely paraphrase an anonymous contributor online (sadly though, as I’d prefer to give credit where it is due), we live in the habitat of ferocious man-eating mountain lions and wildly unpredictable black bears, yet this tub of Wisconsin lard with cammo-covered legs was apparently scared to death of a toffee-colored Lab that wanted to play fetch?

I’d put good money down that Mr. Lee Jensen of Wisconsin, the deservedly-chastised hunter with the way-too-itchy trigger finger, voted for Sarah Palin.

Anyway, for years now my wife, along with a few female friends, trek up the Lake Creek area with dogs once a week or so during hiking season. It is their opportunity to let the dogs run while they talk about life, sex, sappy TV shows and discuss the overall ineptitude of husbands (I’m guessing here …).

In fact, she and the group were in that same area the day before this heart-breaking incident occurred.

To think that this sorry excuse for a hunter could have been out there wandering aimlessly yet searching explicitly with some perverted dire need for ceasing a heartbeat ” any heartbeat ” while one or more of my family members was in the vicinity makes me reconsider my stance on the usefulness of every little nuance of the 2nd Amendment.

Seriously, stupid people should simply not be allowed to own guns.

On the other side of the coin, who can forget the dog a few years ago in Singletree

that mauled the helpless little girl?

Many, myself included, rallied for the dog to be put down, lest the mutt ever have the opportunity to maul again. But alas, the psychotic pooch died before we had the chance.

But what if the little girl had died, or perhaps a better question for the moment, what if this over-eager over-eater had shot Mr. Schroepfer instead in his haste to save himself from being licked to death?

Taking it a step further, what if Mr. Schroepfer had been packing heat and immediately felt threatened by this trigger-happy corpulent chump with an apparent need to kill something, and had plugged Chubby Cheesehead in the backside to protect Crowley and himself from almost certain physical harm?

Unlike our questions to what really happened, these answers are hypothetical, but that does not make them any less serious to consider just in case either scenario actually occurred, which fortunately, neither did.

But the sad fact remains that an innocent family pet was executed, and this pitiful definition of a “hunter” allegedly not only showed zero amount of remorse, but treated the incident as if he accidentally slapped a mosquito, wiping the dab of blood off his arm with no more care than an AIG executive holding staff meetings at the Ritz.

From a responsible hunter’s perspective, the detail of Crowley not being on a leash is completely irrelevant once you realize Mr. Schroepfer (a living, breathing human being, in case you’ve forgotten) was reportedly a mere 15 feet away from the same blazing gun barrel.

If Crowley had been attached to a 15-foot leash you’d still just have a dead dog on a leash, but certainly stronger charges against this Jensen jackass.

People talk about an eye for an eye and all that biblical babble, but let’s say Mr. Jensen has a 10-year-old son who loves his new Lab puppy. If someone were to shoot the puppy in retribution, I guarantee no one would feel the least bit better (especially the puppy).

So let’s just hope this jerk receives everything that’s headed his way, especially from the Sheriff’s Office and public opinion.

NOTE: The preceding opinions belong to Richard and are not necessarily shared by this newspaper, but for the sake of a man’s best friend, he thinks they should be.

Richard Carnes of Edwards writes a column for the Daily. He can be reached at

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