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Run, Sarah, run

I do not claim membership with any political party, as doing so is an insult to an open mind.

However, if I were a Democrat, I would be doing everything conceivable in my power to help convince Sarah Palin to run on the GOP ticket for president of the United States in 2012.

Without a doubt, I would be going out of my side-stepping way to ensure the Drudge Report Diva becomes the Goddess of the Grand Ol’ Party on the yet-to-be-named August convention stage in Ultra-Conservative Country, USA.

My objective would be simple: to guarantee a non-Republican victory.

As much as I loathed the whiny, let’s-make-everyone-equal, do-gooder crap of the Clinton administration, I despised the smug, let’s spread democracy and our version of mysticism around the world no matter the costs (American blood and dollars) even more.

Just one homophobic lunatic shy of strapping on dynamite vests at an anti-violence rally, the Republicans have sadly become America’s version of insatiable ignorance and evangelical extremism, willing to stoop to whatever lows are needed in order to spread their one-sided views while attempting to control the masses.

And no one currently represents such naive fanaticism on America’s stage better than Sarah Palin.

Bursting onto the political scene less than two years ago, thanks to a poorly calculated McCain camp strategy, she quickly became the poster puppet for the ill-fated “Drill, baby, drill!” movement, and followed up with a never-ending stream of embarrassing miscues, habitual lying and the type of nonstop drama one usually sees in dysfunctional sociopaths.

Announcing that the election results would be “in God’s hands,” she saw no irony that her “God” apparently wanted Obama to win, and then responded by claiming to have a “higher calling” and promptly quit as Alaska’s governor.

Yep, she certainly cuts a haute-couture swath of presidential material.

Now we have her pop-up book of false accusations and misleading half-truths, “Going Rouge,” er “Rogue,” which is better titled “The Idiots Guide to Reaching Obscurity,” yet she needs one more failed election to reach her goal.

Listed in the fantasy section of the local library (and hopefully used as a torture device in Guantanamo), it is filled with intellectual tidbits such as her take on evolution, which she spells c-r-e-a-t-i-o-n-i-s-m.

Palin writes that she does not “believe in the theory that human beings – thinking, loving beings – originated from fish that sprouted legs and crawled out of the sea” or from “monkeys who eventually swung down from the trees.”

Since ignoring biochemistry, biophysics, geology, anthropology, cosmology, paleontology, etc., along with all the others sciences seems to be a major support beam under the GOP platform, Sarah is definitely the perfect choice to spread the word (or whatever it is she is trying to spread).

There is simply no better choice.

Don’t get me wrong, though, as I am certainly not ready to endorse Obama II (Now with even more change!) either. The Democrats continue to prove there is no bottom to their sea of ineptitude, as evidenced with the health care bill and this “cap ‘n trade” nonsense.

But even feckless donkeys make more sense than electing Sarah Palin, who is an attractive opportunist better suited to take over for Oprah in 2011 than D.C. in 2012.

Richard Carnes of Edwards writes a column for the Daily. He can be reached at poor@vail.net. Comment on http://www.vaildaily.com.


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