Sex, skiing and other cures for the hangover
Beer before liquor, never sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.But what about an Irish car bomb?Sometimes a hangover is unavoidable, so what’s the best way to combat one? The answers to that question are abundant some are remedies, some are preventative measures, and many are just old wives’ tales.First of all, I should mention that a hangover is mostly the result of dehydration. This condition is prolonged by the fact that the liver needs sugar to break down alcohol. If you consume more alcohol than your body has sugar, the alcohol will stay in your system longer and put undue stress upon your liver. Before a big night of drinking it is a good idea to eat a high-carb, Atkins-unfriendly meal. Italian food ought to do the trick. With your gas tank full you should run less of a chance of getting hungover.With a little research at hangover.net I came across all sorts of strange remedies that are not for the faint of heart, including rabbit-dropping tea and even breast milk. Which led me to ask, how long do you let rabbit poop steep? Seriously, how generous is the guy who calls warmed up poop water “tea”?”Boy my head hurts and I’m nauseous. Perhaps if I made animal dung into hot, animal sewage I would be right as rain!”I found quite a few others that could prove helpful and are much easier to swallow, most obviously water. Drinking water will definitely bring you back, but the body can only absorb one cup of water per hour. Any more than that is just surplus and will only give you an extra trip to the bathroom. If you are familiar with where you are sleeping and where the bathroom is, a tall glass of water before bed can spare you some agony in the morning. Alternating between water and alcohol when you go out is also a good preventative measure.Next is sleep also very accessible, but not as vital to your body as water. It makes sense though, that if you would rather sleep through something painful (i.e. surgery) then you would rather ease hangover pain by spending less time feeling it.The only other free cure that I’ve heard of is good, old-fashioned sex.Free?Yes (hopefully).Accessible?Well, that’s on a case-by-case basis.Regardless, it’s a good workout and you’ll sweat out some toxins. For best results I recommend implementing all three of the aforementioned remedies, probably in a third, first, second order, respectively (but leave the bunny-poo tea out of it).Many hangover cures are available over the counter at your local gas station or supermarket, most notably juice. Orange juice is an excellent source of sugar. O.J. is tasty and it’s a lot more civilized than downing sugar packets. Plus, a little vitamin C can’t hurt. V8 is probably the most beneficial juice you could drink after a bender. Mostly tomato juice, but topped off with the rest of the produce aisle, V8 contains a cornucopia of vitamins, including vitamin B1, which hangover.net recommends replenishing after a night out drinking. B1 is helpful in metabolizing alcohol and it stabilizes the nervous system, too. A lack of B1 causes delirium tremors, or DT’s. B1 is also found in rice, grains, cereal, peas and nuts.Sport drinks such as Gatorade and Powerade are loaded with electrolytes, but also balanced with carbohydrates, i.e. sugar. If it’s safe for babies, then it’s probably safe for drunks. The taste of Pedialyte leaves something to be desired, even when it is flavored. I recommend Pedialyte in its popsicle form. The frozen pops taste better and the cold temperature feels good in a tumultuous gut.The Cadillac of all remedies would definitely have to be an IV of saline solution at least that’s what I hear from my buddy in the National Guard. It’s not the easiest to come by, and there is some initial pain (especially if you miss your vein), but it is by far the fastest way to re-hydrate you. So go make friends with an EMT or a National Guardsman.And now it’s time to get to the nitty gritty. Let’s face it, you can’t be hung-over if you’re still drunk. Resuming the previous night’s activities can pull you out of a stupor and take you back to stupid in no time.Drinking a little alcohol will numb the pain, but it doesn’t do much for the body. That’s why you’ll want to drink alcohol in combination with juice. Screwdrivers and Bloody Mary’s are obvious choices, but who knows? Maybe you want to just pound a bottle of Southern Comfort and drive to Blackhawk because your single-mother, stripper girlfriend will be home any minute and you’ve got direct deposit and a full tank of gas. Drinking in the morning will ease your struggle, but it can also flush your whole day down the toilet if you administer yourself too much. That’s a judgment call that you will definitely be confronted with.If you can’t do the time, but want to do the crime, you can try to prevent your hangover by taking a product called “Chaser.” Chaser is available over the counter and it supposedly has an 83 percent approval rating among the wussies who use it. Chaser is a secret herbal formula that is in pill form. Two tablets are supposed to counteract the negative side effects of three hours of drinking or six drinks. Chaser’s packaging, however, makes no distinction between a six-pack of beer or six Long Island Iced Teas. After six drinks will you remember to take two more pills? Will you still be counting drinks?Of course, if you’re a dork and you do keep a running tally of how many Amaretto sours you’ve had, Chaser might be something for you. Maybe your imaginary friends would like to try some too.I asked a lot of my existent friends what they do to take care of their hangovers and I got a list of obvious answers like “water” or “hair of the dog.” I also got a few answers that were so obvious that I couldn’t believe I had overlooked them. Local fixture and bartender extraordinare Alex Terry hit me with one such answer.”Get off your ass and get on the hill, dude.”He’s absolutely right. Fresh air, sunshine, and a brisk wind in your face are sure to give you much more to think about than how poorly you feel.Chris Mazor, drummer for The Meek, brought up another cure that I had overlooked greasy food.”Grill it, fry it, wrap it in bacon, and fry it again,” he said.I couldn’t believe that I had forgotten that one fried food is an awesome remedy; onion rings, French fries, chicken nuggets, any form of fried cheese, etc. Sometimes you just need to split a bratwurst in half and put it on top of your bacon double cheeseburger.So there you have it. Those are some of the ways to rid your self of a hangover or prevent one outright (the legal ones, anyway). I’ve heard there are other cures that could POTentially help you out, but that’s all hearsay as far as I’m concerned. VTBill Davis is a local musician and giant bunny rabbit who can be reached at email@example.com.