Sex: Who cares – and why?
Last I checked, no one is particularly interested in the precise manner of how my mate and I make love. And even if there was a widespread curiosity of what takes place in our bedroom and garage, I’m not talking. It is personal, and don’t think our technique merits discussion. But I will say it involves only dolphin-safe-tuna and does not violate the “Patriot Act.”Moreover, I have little curiosity regarding the personal habits of my friends and neighbors; I have bigger issues to concern myself with – plus most of them are very diligent about pulling their shades.That’s why I was surprised and disheartened with the fact that so many Americans feel that the manner in which their sports heroes “do it” is a newsworthy item.The front page of a recent Denver Post featured the pictures and bios of several pro-athletes, complete with the sports they played, their preferred positions (pitcher, quarterback etc.) and sexual preferences. Most of the woman featured acknowledged their preferences while still competing; all of the men waited until after they retired.Former and current male athletes, both gay and straight, were interviewed. I kept waiting for someone to say what I was thinking: “Who cares?” But none did. Most interviewed said that, though it is less of an issue with women, having a gay teammate would be a concern on and off the field. Of course the locker room issue was brought-up, though no mention was made of female reporters in that same locker room.Admittedly, I’m not particularly acquainted with the gay lifestyle or professional sports. I will say most fans of alternative lifestyles seem to be in better shape than your average pro-sports fan. But one thing that I do know is that though the sex act might be different – gay or straight – love is the same. And when you consider how little time an average couple spends making love in comparison to the time they spend loving each other, I’ll say it again “who cares?”Evidently, lots of people care. For many, their concern and condemnation is based in religious reasons. Here again, I’m confused. I’ve talked to many people who study the Bible for both fun and profit, and no one can tell me that The Christ offered an opinion one way or the other. Sure, there are plenty of mentions of homosexuality in Leviticus in the Old Testament, but there’s also much about not eating shellfish. (I’ve yet see the headline “Pro athlete admits to eating scallops”).There’s also much hand-wringing about same-sex couples wanting to marry. I’ve always been shocked that anyone would care who marries and who does not. But the matter of same sex marriages was actually an issue in the last presidential election. Bush was against, Kerry confused. No one discussed the bigger issue, which was if we allowed gays to marry there would be twice as many wedding presents to buy. Thank heaven for those tax cuts.It is my belief that, though many conservatives find two men or two women loving each other disturbing, they go bonkers when imagining how they love each other. If they really wanted to lessen the frequency of gay sex, the surest way to cut down on that behavior is to have the participants marry. Perhaps it only works that way in heterosexual relationships.All that said, I guess I can’t blame sports figures for being reluctant to share their preferences with the fans. Unlike art, politics and commerce, professional sports fans are very interested in how their heroes make love. I’m just happy they aren’t that concerned with the love lives of newspaper columnists. You never know when you’re going to come across a tuna lover.Jeffrey Bergeron under the alias of Biff America can be seen on RSN, heard on KOA radio, and read in several newspapers and magazines. He can be reached at email@example.comBiff’s book “Steep, Deep and Dyslexic” is available from local book stores or at Backcountrymagazine.com. Vail, Colorado