So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen |

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen

Seven minutes and 20 seconds.

That’s probably how long the alleged rape (and the confirmed adultery) lasted from start to finish, and exactly how long viewers were able to see the back of a few folks fuzzy heads during the ever-so-exciting climax of the young man’s courthouse appearance last Wednesday.

Nothing unexpected happened.

No exhilarating moments were experienced by anyone, except possibly a few star struck misfits.

No titillating bits of new evidence were exposed, although some in the parking lot were prepared just in case.

Nope, nothing more than the Honorable Judge Gannett slapping a few legal hands and it was all over, with everyone then quickly leaving the scene of the crime, so to speak.

Good riddance.

Not necessarily to the young man accused of the crime. though, but to the entire P.T. Barnum media and their ilk. The Eagle County BEAN Wars are now on temporary hiatus.

Gone are the decaled trucks, the satellite dishes, the tents and the occupants of each.

Back to reality are the prices of lodging, lunches and libations.

Other topics can now be written about by a certain local hack with no journalism degree (to imply such is an insult to all journalists) or any talent whatsoever but a penchant for sarcasm. Three weeks in a row is enough.

No more of this nonsense until the week that includes Thursday, Oct. 9, we hope.

The LA media, with its superfluous talk shows and sensationalistic tactics in general, along with most Internet forums, can continue to live and breathe the incident to their shallow little hearts’ content, blaming everyone on the planet except the one person who just might possibly be to blame for the entire mess.

One might as well be debating whether Adam and Eve had belly buttons with the pope.

Personally, I don’t care what they do, as long as they go away from here for awhile.

Then we can get busy concentrating on our normal activities for this time of year: school starting, mornings becoming colder, anticipation of leaves changing, the first snowfall, blowing out sprinkler systems, the fall hiatus for SpeakOut!, cringing when and if the Broncos lose on national TV, etc.

As for BEAN (I’m tired of everything being called KOBE-this and KOBE-that) and the young lady: He is certainly 100 percent innocent until proven guilty, and the young lady is neither since she has not been charged with a crime.

I hope his fans can realize that having remarkable abilities on the court and a previously squeaky-clean image have absolutely no bearing on his guilt or innocence at this point. Similar goes for she-who-must-not-be-named. Whatever is or is not true about her past, it is up to the courts to decipher such, not us.

BEAN was a child when entering the NBA and hasn’t had time to mature as an adult.

I hope he finds the time now.

At the very least, he should thank Arnold for taking away some of the heat. The kid needs all the help he can get.

To all those hellbent on making Eagle County the focus of this crime as opposed to the individuals involved in committing it, I would like to remind them that – just like the fine metropolis of Los Angeles – Eagle County is completely innocent of all charges.

Furthermore, accusing Eagle County of anything, especially being concerned with our image, is like accusing their soon-to-be governor of lifting weights.

We didn’t ask for this, and in most folks’ minds the whole thing doesn’t really amount to a hill of beans anyway.

In fact, some are trying so hard to ignore it that Eagle County schools are now specified as BEAN-Free zones for the upcoming school year. And that is actually official.

If only it were that easy.

Richard Carnes of Edwards writes a weekly column for the Daily. He can be reached at

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