State of the Happy Valley |

State of the Happy Valley

Unlike last night’s State of the Union Address by President Bush, my analysis of the current situation is confined to those areas within the borders of Happy Valley, allowing for a much less generic point of view.

In the past I have concentrated on particular towns and areas. But this year I thought it proper to take a mental snapshot of current conditions, or mindset if you will, by carefully analyzing one week’s worth of Vail Dailys.

Yes, quite the brilliant concept, eh?

All I had to do was peruse TIPSline, Letters to the Editor and Town Talk for material while quickly scanning a few other headlines.

This not only gives us a sampling of the types of individuals comprising our valley but perhaps a psychological insight into the genetic makeup of our neighbors. Of course, not MY neighbors, who are each wonderful and wise in their own respective ways (wink-wink, nudge-nudge).

First item to catch my attention: It seems a few individuals are attempting to raise an issue concerning roundabouts, claiming ignorance or fear.

If after six years of practice they still need a designated driver to understand the concept of yielding, then I consider it a blessing that these particular folks choose to stay away from roundabouts in the first place.

Next: Much has been said about Menconi being swept aside as chairman of the Eagle County commissioners.

What did Slippery Stone REALLY know before the meeting? Why would Galvanizing Gallagher NOT return phone calls on the issue? When did Miser Menconi REALLY make his intentions known? Who is sleeping with whom? What does any of this have to do with running the friggin’ county?

Whether Arn deserved the chair or not takes a back seat to the smalltown political game that will always be played in our wealthy little environment. Complain all you want, just please do not forget about it come next election season.

Concerning current international events: Some have taken upon themselves to convince the rest of us:

A) All media is liberal.

B) All media is conservative.

C) All media is blind to reality.

D) CNN is responsible for the war.

E) Hussein is no threat to the U.S. because he gave us his word.

F) All the above.

Anyone believing any of the above shall be asked to submit to a full psychiatric exam immediately after the next 9/11.

Local Vail firefighter Ryan Sutter is busy being praised as flavor of the month for his heroic efforts pursuing Trista on “The Bachelorette.” (Yes, I admit watching every episode so far, but only to root for the home team and, that’s right, I watch “Joe Millionaire” to watch shallow, gold digging hypocrites in action, too.)

It’s great publicity for Vail during this week’s episode. The guy has guts, looks, heart and one helluva romantic angle with his poetry, which my wife thinks is “ooey-gooey” good, whatever that means.

One person complained that groomed slopes looked “better” at another ski resort down the road. This is the kind of person who complains about noise from I-70, the speed of the escalators at Beaver Creek and snowboarders in general.

The “How To Manage Employees LIVE!” Handbook was rewritten by a local radio station exec during an on-air stunt involving a DJ and the death of a B-G, whatever that was.

According to some, Vail parking issues are the main reason Vail sales tax revenues are down, and the fault lies with Vail Resorts. Yeah, right, and $100 per square foot rents, lack of consistent snow, the threat of war, and the U.S. economy have nothing to do with it.

The local DA’s Office, after having such tremendous success prosecuting Buckley, Gillie and Medeiros, has taken on the impervious task of discovering whether or not Koleen Brooks wears panties while “patrolling” the neighborhood.

Depending upon whom you believe, the town of Minturn is run by a group of unselfish saints determined to see progress in the 21st century or a pack of overpaid Gestapo wolves in uniform and council clothing hell-bent on damming the river and drowning everyone.

There you have it, an average, everyday week in the Vail Valley.

However, for the uninitiated, uninformed or simply guests, please take the preceding sampling of our current mindset with a grain of salt and realize that although one of the best places on earth to live, Happy Valley is just as much real Americana as anyplace else in these United States.

For every babbling idiot constantly intent on running everyone else’s life or just ruining someone else’s day, there are a hundred or so really nice individuals who sincerely care about this valley and its future, year round.

Please come back and visit us again. We’ll leave the light on.

Richard Carnes of Edwards can be reached at

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