Strongmen to lend sweat, festive air to Lionsbreath |

Strongmen to lend sweat, festive air to Lionsbreath

Mezz Thesaurus
AP Photo/Stephan Savoia Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, shown above trying to tackle California's fast-food hamburger surplus, is expected to head-butt a building in Lionsbreath this summer.

It’s roid rage in Lionsbreath.

Town of Vile officials have taken a unique approach to avoiding a tourist exodus from an area that will, at times during a massive reconstruction project, look like the latest stop on the Air Force’s shock and awe world tour. The town announced this week it has struck a deal with ESPN2 to bring a “World’s Strongest Man” competition to Lionsbreath this summer.

Besides providing a boost to tourism, the competition will serve a practical purpose, too, since the strongmen will help with the actual demolition cleanup.

“What would you rather see in Lionsbreath; a loader putting construction debris in a truck, or some Icelandic muscleman hauling it off as part of a game?” asked Lionsbreath lodge owner Wacky Pocker. “I know I’d rather see the guys, not in a Richard Simmons kind of way, but just for kicks.”

“We think this is a great opportunity to expand the ‘World’s Strongest Man’ franchise,” said ESPN spokesman Phil Ayre. “Besides, we need to find something for these guys to do besides work in bars.”

Specific events are still being worked out, but ideas include hauling pieces of concrete the size of Honda Civics, and, if the demolition crews are careful enough, toting entire studio apartments across the Lionsbreath mall.

There was late word Wednesday that the Vile Volley Chamber Business Chamber Tourism Lodging Chamber Restaurant Tourism and Business Bureau Chamber Floundation Chamber Chamber (VVCBCTCLRTBBCFCC) had reached a deal to bring former-strongman-turned-California-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to Lionsbreath to kick off the demolition at a groundbreaking ceremony on the Fourth of July.

“The governor plans to ram his head through the wall of the gondola building to kick off seven super fun years of unique construction experience,” said Tweety St. Moritz, director of fawning over celebrities for the Chamber Bureau Chamber Floundation Chamber.

Schwarzenegger, contacted while having lunch at a Burbank In-N-Out Burger, said, in his next movie, he will battle an army of zombified world’s strongest men who have kidnapped California’s education and transportation funds.

While Lionsbreath will be the center of the action, the strongmen will be put to work elsewhere in the valley. The town and ESPN2 are currently talking with Unionized Specific railroad officials about using the big men to pull coal cars to different locations in the area.

“I t’ink moving rail car sound fun,” Ole Youbetchason said. One of the world’s premier musclemen, Youbetchason has won the last three “World’s Strongest Man” competitions. “Beaches good, but mountains better; not so much stinky-sweat,” he added.

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