The Animal Rights Barbecue
The Titans of Town Talk are back on the campaign trail, and are looking for the fuel that runs our official Torquemobile campaign vehicle, a 1964 Bluebird schoolbus.We’re talking, of course, about money.We’ve been keeping a low profile, hoping that not campaigning would have the same positive effect for our campaign that it had for John-John Kerry’s. Alas, it has not. We declared our official candidacy in time for the Republican state convention. We finished well behind front-runner Bob Schaffer (even though our name is easier to spell, and Peter Coors (even though we have better hair).
When the counting was done, the Titans’ Torque and Recoil campaign received two votes – ours and one from a guy not currently under investigation by the FBI.But we are not deterred. The “Wyrick: Wy Not?” message is easily the most practical in political history: “If It has Torque, Recoil, Compression, Makes a Big Bang or Shoots a Big Bullet It’s Cool and Americans Need More of It!” However, as we continue our Quixotic quest for a political planet to call home, the Torquemobile is running low on gas. Basically, we need the money. Also, the Body Politic must be fed.
That’s why we’re proud to combine those two needs as we announce our first official Torque and Recoil fund-raiser: The Animal Rights Barbecue.It’s simple.In Torque and Recoil Land, animals have three levels of fundamental rights: Rare, Medium and Well Done, except for poultry, which always must be thoroughly cooked – sort of like Martha Stewart during her trial.
If the entree consists of an endangered species, no seconds will be served.Wyrick for Senate”Let Freedom Rip!”