The driving force behind war |

The driving force behind war

Tom Boyd

Attention terrorists!Beware the power of the American political-military -media machine! If you are caught, the first thing we do is take a humiliating picture of you in your undies and broadcast it multiple times all over the world.This is only the first step in a long and terrible torture process. First we investigate, then we capture, then we show your very hairy body to millions of infidel women, then we ship you to a foreign country where the medieval-style torture work is done by non-American hands. And while you’re forced to eat mouthfuls of deep-fried pork and watch endless episodes of 90210, we kick back on the couch and thank God that, in our world, we have the freedom to drive to the store and buy a few bottles of Nair.Unfortunately our little trips to the store (for Nair or anything else) are contributing to the power of the terrorists and to the power of Saddam Hussein and his ilk.We live in the big mountains, and we drive big-mountain cars. I’ve seen a 5-foot-tall woman driving a 20-foot-long SUV to a store that’s 300 feet away, and everybody feels happy and safe in a big-momma, Ameri-commercial car.But we all make ripples, and the ripples turn to waves, and the same sense of safety we get from driving big-ol’ cars comes back to us as fear of war.Think about it.It is We the People of the United States of America who guzzle the gas. And the massive demand for oil is what empowers the Middle East, helping to make it a critical region. If the Middle East weren’t a critical region, then we wouldn’t be wrestling with oil-fed giants and well-drilling despots in our current political and military struggle.And because we mountain people are the ones who lead the SUV charge in America, we should be the ones to lead the new charge for a more peaceful, less oil-ravenous America. It’s people like us who should be responsible consumers and help support renewable energy sources, thereby “dis-arming” Iraq of its true weapon of mass destruction: oil.However, now that good ol’ G.W. Bush Jr. has bullied himself into a corner, it’s important for the U.S. to go in and do the war, do it right, and do it with the full support of the People of the United States of America.After all, it is We the People who have (willingly or unwillingly, knowingly or unknowingly, directly or indirectly) caused the wave of American pressure to crash over the Middle East.So I say it’s high time we go in and get Saddam, take a picture of him in his undies, and bathe him in a bathtub full of wonderful, cleansing Nair.qTom Boyd is assistant editor of The Vail Trail. He can be reached at or (970) 390-1585

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