The evolution of the shopper/gatherer | VailDaily.com
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The evolution of the shopper/gatherer

Tis the season to do most of your Christmas shopping.
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Guys, we are guys and that renders us genetically incapable of shopping.OK, I have one guy friend who likes shopping, but hes gay. When it comes to shopping he has evolved well beyond the average American Guy, whose idea of a winter shopping expedition, including lunch, is whacking a woolly mammoth upside the head and hoping it falls into the campfire, then hauling the hide back to the cave where it can be wrapped around the family fashion and function.

Our ancestors crawled out of the primordial ooze in search of a decent cup of coffee and a jelly donut. That, and ooze was tough on the shine of your Italian loafers.But once on dry land, they realized they needed a bunch of stuff they didnt need before, mostly because the furniture they used to own matched the ooze just fine, but didnt really stand up to earthtones and the light of day.So they decided they needed new curtains for the cave.This was the beginning of shopping, which was also the beginning of the wussification of the human male. Wussification is how most guys end up in shopping malls and it has been scientifically proved that shopping malls are the embodiment of everything evil in western civilization. No self-respecting guy will set foot in a shopping mall, unless its at knifepoint or hes following a girl. Girls look good and smell good and are good, and are more persuasive than knives, which would lead us back to wussification or into a discussion of Helen of Troy, but were trying to stay focused on shopping.Really, we are.

Let us discuss not the hunter/gatherer, but the shopper/gatherer.Lets face it, we get hungry. If we had to steerwrestle a mastodon to the ground to get something to eat, wed soon be sinking faster than the price of Enron stock.We shop because its easier to pull stuff off a shelf and put it in a rolling basket, or drive with our knees as we hold a double cheeseburger and turn up the volume on the car stereo.In this area, you have all kinds of shopping options. Guys will find everything they need and more at Wylaco Supply, a combination feed and hardware store in Gypsum, The Eagle Pharmacy, aka The Nearly Everything Store, and Costco in Gypsum.But for the true shopper/gatherer, this is more like hunting than shopping. You stalk your prey, subdue it and haul it back to your version of the cave.I like the thrill of the hunt, Liz Pfeffer said. I like looking for things you cant find anywhere else and getting a screaming deal on them.Thats fine for the necessities of life as defined by Balloo the Bear, but if youre really trying to match your new purse with some new shoes you need more options and fewer fluorescent lights.You need to go shopping.

Take a little time to stroll through the Edwards Riverwalk for some window shopping. Youll find clothes from all over the world in every possible price range. Youll find gadgets from around the globe and stuff you never thought of or thought youd need, but obviously do.Wander around in Avon for a while.Understand, though, that most Vail Valley shopper/gatherer expeditions end in Vail.And guys, throw in lunch or dinner and you have yourself a bona fide chick-movie romantic interlude.But only if you didnt whine all day about wussification.Vail Daily, Vail, Colorado CO


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