The Fat Lady is warming up |

The Fat Lady is warming up

If it were held today, there would be no question as to its outcome. IT, is of course, the 2004 presidential election. Go ahead, take a mental snapshot of today, Sept. 14, 2004, and just try to convince me otherwise. It cannot be done.Not because I am a closed-minded twit incapable of seeing two sides of a coin, but because of simple common sense.Remember, I am a highly trained, highly educated, unbiased journalist with years of experience predicting these types of events weeks or even months in advance due to an uncanny ability to read between the lines of political rhetoric and visualize issues for what they really are as opposed to what the two major parties wish for you to believe.Or maybe I just made all of that up and it is nothing more than gut instinct. Take your pick.Either way, in a nutshell, this millennium’s JFK blew it, and blew it big time. In a calculated move reminiscent of New Coke, the brain trusts at Democratic National Headquarters made a bold decision to capture the presidency by basing their candidate’s qualifications for said office upon a four-month trip in Vietnam over 35 years ago, as opposed to a 20-year stint in the U.S. Senate, which would have at least had a decent shot.Major league boo-boo, bozos.As of today, Kerry has as much chance of winning the Oval Office as the soon-to-be-former governor of New Jersey does of becoming the president of the Christian Right Coalition.With only 49 campaigning days of sand left in the democratic hourglass, Dubya can just sit back and enjoy the ride down the narrow chute of electoral bliss.Not that he will, mind you. But he could.Unfortunately, President Bush will be participating in at least one or two debates with Sen. Kerry to articulate their differences in front of a national audience, and this is where things could become a bit hairy, shall we say.Kerry appears to be no better at debating. He drives his aides to drink, snap pencils in two and shout, “What the hell did he just say?” just about every time he opens his mouth behind a podium. But Bush is dancing in dangerous territory when add libs become a part of his temporary landscape.Although some wish it were actually true, the president is not a stupid man – far from it – but in this social environment of political correctness run amok, he does from time to time tend to come across as a tad arrogant, especially when talking tough on terrorism.Don’t get me wrong, there is no other way to deal with Islamic terrorists and their barbaric longing for a return to the killing fields of millennium pasts. But the president could use a softer approach when speaking to the media, as they stand in steadfast attack mode at all times, ready to am-Bush anything that Bush says he “am.” However, barring some massive, sudden downturn in the nation’s economy or another horrific attack on our nation’s soil, Kerry has not a single prayer of winning, regardless of what deity he claims to follow nowadays.Another attack could swing the election either way depending upon the location and number of victims, but let’s hope we never experience the opportunity. (How sad that we can discuss the prospect of such an act with the casualness of weather trends on the upcoming season’s snow totals.) From where I sit, every Islamic terrorist attack against innocent people anywhere on the planet raises prospective vote totals for Bush. And while on the subject, let’s face the spade is a spade fact that 99.9 percent of all terrorists are indeed Muslim fundamentalists, and there’s simply no other viewpoint available. Sure, the religion as a whole has taken a popularity beating. But after decades (centuries actually) of killing innocent women and children such as witnessed by the world last week in Russia, it is damn well deserved.So forget the polls, whichever direction they are currently pointing. Do not listen to the mindless rhetoric coming from either side concerning who did what over three decades ago during military puberty. And certainly do not waste time and energy, or worse – base your decisions – upon watching documentaries or reading pundit-related material containing more bias than a French judge at the Olympics.As of today it’s Bush by a landslide, a slam dunk, easy as ABC, a no-brainer piece of cake, ski patrols making the final sweep, and you can take that to the bank.But things could change, of course.Richard Carnes of Edwards writes a weekly column for the Daily. He can be reached at poor@vail.netVail, Colorado

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