The Government Knows Best Act |

The Government Knows Best Act

Peter Buckley

Government intervention into the lives and property of citizens in Eagle County has never been higher that is it right now. Let’s listen in to a recent conversation between Eagle County’s concerned citizen and his left- and right-wing friends.The Citizen: Just exactly when did that legislative act become law?The Liberal: George Orwell thought it was 1984, but it actually occurred sometime after that. Some folks even believe it got started on an animal farm.The Citizen: So, just exactly what do the liberals and conservatives use the Government Knows Best Act for?The Liberal: To promote the liberal agenda! As in condemnation, the taking of private property. You know, better living through more and more legislation. Hey, Mr. Conservative, what do you think you’re going to do with that cigarette you’re holding!The Citizen: And conservatives use it for what?The Conservative: We prefer wiretaps.The Citizen: I don’t believe the government knows best, and I don’t have to look any further than the government’s collective response to hurricane Katrina to see how well the local, state and federal people worked to solve a clearly defined problem. Glub! Hey conservative, put down that dang cigarette and pass me a sponge!The Liberal: Look citizen, all real Americans prefer more government intervention. For proof, look no farther than our own Declaration of Independence. Why, our founding fathers who authored that declaration were just pleading with good old King George for more government-sponsored health-care plans, government-sponsored retirement benefits, government bailouts of bankrupt corporations and savings and loans, just to mention a few.The Conservative: Just exactly where did you go to school, Mr. Liberal?The Liberal: Why the local public school of course, and I graduated from a university too! Where else would one get such a command of American history? You don’t think these schools are graduating a bunch of new-wave conservatives, do you? Now about my government-sponsored student loans …The Citizen: You ever heard of the Bill of Rights?The Liberal: I supported the town of Avon’s Bill of Lights! Why the Avon Town Council passed legislation making certain kinds of lights you would use for your home and business an illegal thing! Something about “dark skies.” Anybody got a flashlight? I’ve got to walk home because there’s no government subsidy for the cost of my car’s gasoline!The Citizen: The next thing you know Avon will start telling people how to put out their trash on trash day!The Conservative: Actually Avon did pass a law on that, too!The Citizen: Hey, I understand that some county commissioners are getting ready to change the county’s “1041 process” so they can tell longtime ranch owners like Susan Nottingham exactly what she can and can’t do with the land she owns!The Liberal: You betcha! Why, the Palmerosa Ranch in Lake Creek was just our warm-up! When we couldn’t beat the developers round-one approval from the county commissioners because he had development rights we couldn’t dispute, we just changed tactics and insisted that what we were really concerned about was the wildlife there in Lake Creek. Worked like a champ! The commissioners sent the developer packing, and the commissioners never stopped to ask the current neighbors about their previous wildlife concerns when they first started to build their homes and move into Lake Creek! Now that’s fair, isn’t it?The Conservative: Hey, what makes Commissioner Runyon and Menconi know what’s a better use of private property than the landowner, Susan Nottingham, herself?The Liberal: Well one of them use to make a living taking pictures for post cards, and the other one helps manage a non-for-profit business!The Conservative: Well dag-nabbit! If those aren’t topnotch land-use qualifications, then I don’t know what is!The Citizen: Well then, just how lucky can Eagle County get?The Conservative: Exactly. Anybody got Bobby Ginn’s phone number? I gotta tell him he can expect a call from the Friends of Battle Mountain.To be continued.Peter Buckley is a former membrer of the Avon Town Council.

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