The last Halloween jokes
– A very vain bald man with a wooden leg, got invited to a Halloween party. He doesn’t know what kind of costume to wear that will hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem and get some ideas from them. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
“Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted red handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will make a perfect pirate.” Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
The man is not happy, they have just emphasized his wooden leg! So, he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note which says: “Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.” Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset. They have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head! Again he writes a nasty letter to the company to complain. The next day he gets a small parcel and note which read: “Dear Sir, Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg in your ear and go as a caramel apple!” Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
– An assistant principal was the last person at her school after an evening activity. She was going through her check list to make sure the building was secure.
While checking one of the outside doors, she heard an ominous BUMP, BUMP, BUMP, behind her. She looked back and was horrified to see an upright casket banging down the hallway.
Terrified, she ran toward the school office, the casket pursuing her, and gaining. She opened the office door, leaped inside, and locked it behind her. The casket crashed through the office door, with its lid clapping.
The assistant principal then rushed to a nearby restroom and locked the door. She heard the casket approaching! Bump! Bump! Bump! It was penetrating the restroom door!
Frantic, she looked about for a weapon, but could find none. In desperation,
she hurled a bottle of Robitussin against her gruesome pursuer.
It worked! The coffin stopped.
A little something for your election day hangover.
– The difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors are spending their own money.”
– There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn’t get worse every year.
–Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent who get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
– Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whetherit exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.