The schedule is out and the Broncos go …
Please play football
Give the Denver Broncos some credit. With the NFL releasing its schedule on Thursday, the team put a video on Twitter setting its slate to the “Full House” theme.
Is “You got it, dude,” still a thing? How old are the Olsen twins? Aren’t they 50? (Freud Googles and Mary-Kate and Ashley are 33 each, thank you.)
Setting aside the concern/worry/panic that there will be no NFL season, I think the Broncos are improved. (There. Must. Be. Football.) They’re giving Drew Lock a lot of toys like Melvin Gordon to an already good backfield and Jerry Jeudy, who seems a promising draft pick at wide receiver.
Denver still hasn’t shot left-tackle Garett Bolles out of a cannon, something I will insist upon until I expire. I do not forget the team added to the line LSU’s Lloyd Cushenberry.
Have they caught the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC West? Nope. Even assuming a Super Bowl hangover, the Chiefs are light years ahead of the Broncos. Patrick Mahomes would have to be struck by lightning and a few more unlikely circumstances would have to happen.
The better question is, “Are the Broncos catching up with the rest of the AFC?” The playoff teams last season were the Ravens, Chiefs, Texans, Patriots, Titans and Bills. With Tom Brady leaving the Pats, does anyone really worry you beside the Ravens and Chiefs? Nah.
Maybe the Steelers rally with the return of Ben Roethlisberger? I can see that. Pittsburgh is a competent organization. Will the Browns get it together? This would be the example of a completely incompetent organization.
The AFC is top-heavy, but not deep. So let’s run through the schedule and play our game of what will the Broncos’ record be.
• Titans: The Broncos open for the second year in a row as the nightcap on “Monday Night Football.” Tennessee had a great playoff run, but I don’t care. WIN.
• At Steelers: Nope. LOSS.
• Buccaneers: This will be the first time ever that Broncos fans are excited that their team will be playing Tampa Bay. Here comes Brady, and there go the Broncos. For the record, I don’t think this Brady thing is going to work, but this is Week 3. LOSS.
• At Jets: Two years ago, the Broncos laid a turd in New York/New Jersey, but they’re still playing the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets. WIN.
• At Patriots: This is a Sunday nighter, and I am aware that Brady is now Tampa Tom Brady, but the evil Bill Belichick will still find a way to beat the Broncos with Jarrett Stidham. LOSS.
• Dolphins: Will Tua Tagovailoa be starting by this point? It doesn’t matter. WIN.
• Chiefs: Ruh-roh. LOSS.
• At Falcons: This is a trap game. The Falcons aren’t good, but it’s in the ATL. Giving the Broncos the benefit of the doubt … WIN.
• At Raiders: The Las Vegas Raiders, hmm. This should be a popular road trip for Broncos fans. A little golf, a lot of gambling and some football makes for a nice weekend. For no particular reason … LOSS.
• Chargers: Apparently they play in Los Angeles. How much do you miss Philip Rivers, Broncos fans? WIN.
• Saints: It’s a home game. That makes a huge difference with New Orleans, says the Niners fan, who’s hacked we have to go to the Big Easy again this year. WIN.
• At Chiefs: It doesn’t matter if this game’s on Mars. LOSS.
• At Panthers: No Cam? No problem. WIN.
• Bills: Nobody circles the wagons … WIN.
• At Chargers … This also will likely become a popular road trip for Broncos fans. Someone has to fill the seats in Los Angeles. WIN.
• Raiders … Will Derek Carr still be the QB? WIN.
That’s 10-6, kids, with losses to the Raiders and Bucs. No one should have delusions of grandeur, but 10-6 is likely a wild card. Let’s just hope they play.