The view from the outside in |

The view from the outside in

I’ve said it before and I’m saying it again (thus restaking my claim as a repetitive bore): Happy Valley is a great place to come home to.It is not just the changing colors of the mountainsides, no matter what time of year you leave, or the repetitive cycle of “dang tourists everywhere” to “where be the dang tourists?”No, it’s the following truly important philosophical musings that I look forward to whenever I leave her beautiful borders: front page headlines, letters to the editors, and Tipsline. All three possess clever, colorful and, even at times, creatively unique twists of the English language to describe life as it truly is here in the Rocky Mountains. Or does it?Anyway, nothing brings me back up to date faster or more efficiently, not to mention its highly rated entertainment value.While away on vacation, I read the local headlines and letters each day wherever I am, assuming it is providing me with a legitimate view of the area and its people. Right or wrong, it is always the most accessible outlet of information. Therefore, I thought it might be amusing (to me at least) to apply the same logic (?) to the Vail Daily when I return home.Sure, I could have checked out the online versions on a daily basis if I so desired. However, that could then stand the chance of ruining my faux build-up of anticipatory excitement, whether real or imagined, thus leaving me with an empty feeling upon my return.Besides, that would take all the fun out of it.So after a week or two of absence, I cherished the moments spent in my study (no, I don’t really have one, but it looked cool to type), perusing weeks of witty word play, compulsive complaints, whimsical whinings and blissful babble all mixed with enough various and sundry moaning and groaning to make a Kerry campaign speech sound enticing to the average layman.But ain’t none of us “average” around here, right?Upon our arrival back home last weekend, the first thing I did was grab the stack of Vail Dailys that had been meticulously placed on our front porch. I’d like to tell you the cause of such perpendicular piling was a delivery guy with a great arm, but that would be a Clintonesque lie (it depends on your definition of the word “throw”). Truth is, I believe a polite neighbor was sick of seeing them breed on the end of the driveway.Fantasizing myself as a Vail tourist, I flipped through the pages for a quick “read” of the valley, assuming everything I read was local gospel, so to speak.The headlines revealed to me the oh-happy-day conclusion to 3D, so I now assume that all the teachers will receive their well-deserved back pay and Cacioppo will file a lawsuit against each one who dares to cash one of the checks. The RV debate in Minturn continues (stupid me thought it was a dead issue) while reversing the letters to VR showed surprising earnings (stupid me thought they kept canning people because of the lack thereof). Houses in Miller Ranch are apparently selling quickly while nearby deals are being constructed for gravel pits and Avon, no longer content with bridges named Bob and Norm, will soon be flying a 150-foot purple double-wide that screams to I-70, “Please stop here, we’re cheap and proud of it!”Tipsline contained the typical “yea war” and “nay war” attacks, along with complaints about too many cops and not enough cops, too much Reagan exposure and not enough Reagan exposure, bicyclists harassing bad drivers and drivers harassing bad bicyclists, and one funny reference to a decapitated Shrek. The best letters are those attacking Tipsline, as you know those people are just dying to call the Tipsline number to voice their grievance but are too vain to admit to doing so.The standard anti-war letters from the usual liberal suspects were followed by pat after pat on collective backs for the “success” of Bair Ranch. But I was truly amazed at the number of Bair Ranch complaint letters still being published, even by those who won. The horse is dead, folks. Please quit beating it.I see that Traer Creek is continuing their scamming techniques (way to work that PR machine, fellas) while there was a somewhat interesting debate over “yea SUVs” and “nay SUVs.” Perhaps the most interesting letter was one that began by saying there was absolutely no good reason to read it.So I did not.I wonder what a real tourist thinks about our little version of paradise after reading the paper for a few weeks. Do we care? Should we care? Would we care if we could?Nah, why bother, they’re only here for a short time anyway. Either way, I’m happy to be home, and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read the Smothers Brothers are coming to town.Finally, something to look forward to.Richard Carnes of Edwards writes a weekly column for the Daily. He can be reached at

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