The wisdom of finding wise council – Vail, Colorado
Vail CO, Colorado
VAIL, Colorado ” About three times a week, we sit down for a family dinner and talk about upcoming events and share the highlights of our days. Last night when it was my turn, I was eager to share and help my family to understand why I was grumpy.
It had been a busy week and I was sleep deprived. I sighed and said, “I was slammed at work and I’m exhausted. I have a list of things that did not get completed.” I paused, “That’s OK. It will all be waiting for me tomorrow.”
I looked down at my plate and was surprised by the silence that surrounded me at the table. Normally a cacophony, the table was remarkably quiet. Everyone was frozen ” like in a movie when their thoughts and expressions are stuck in time but I am still animated. Watch the magic that happened as my family members shared their particular gifts with me.
The first thing I needed was to complain. I wanted to vent and tell my story of how unfair the world had been to me. I poured on the drama. How could I take this kind of punishment and live to tell about it? Son No. 3 is a great Listener. He asked questions and helped me to feel as though every word I said was important. My Listener helped me to feel understood.
Once I had told the story, I began to question my ability to handle the situation. I had an intuitive feel for what was going on, but wondered if I could trust my sixth sense. Just then Son No. 2, The Confidence Builder, said, “Why do you worry, Mom? Seems you always know what needs to be done. You will handle this!” Yes … he was right, too. My intuition was spot on and I needed to listen and trust.
My husband, The Problem Solver, chimed in, “What you could do is … ” and helped me brainstorm solutions. How did he come up with so many viable options? I had been stewing over this all afternoon and had not been able to see through the fog.
Had he spoken first, before I had gotten a chance to tell my story, his brilliant solutions would have fallen on deaf ears. But his timing was perfect. In listening to his words, I knew that there was a solution that would help; I just needed to find it.
I tried to slip back into my story when my teenager spoke up. “Mom,” he said, “Enough talk. It’s time to make up your mind. It’s not that difficult once you begin moving forward.” He added, “Not to decide is to decide. Quit talking about it and do something.” It was then that I realized that the un-victimizer had spoken. He would not let me get away with a “poor me” attitude. He wanted action and probably accountability.
As I looked around the table, I realized that my family had morphed into a “Wise Counsel” ” MY Wise Council. These are the people who know me best, care about me most and want to help. They had tuned into my needs and coached me from the various places which I needed to be heard ” right there at my dinner table.
As they all snapped back into real time, I realized that my family ” my Wise Council ” had each played a part in helping me through the end of my frustrating day.
Who do you consider your Wise Counsel?
Coaching Challenge: Identify your Wise Council by listing the five main people in your life ” whether you get along with them or not. It may include your spouse/significant other, best friend, co-worker, sibling, boss or parent. Next to each name, identify which role they typically play on your Wise Council. Next time you feel stuck or need someone to listen or motivate you, go back to your list and see which of the council members could best help you with this situation and then contact him or her. Each Council member plays a role during different situations. Invite this person in when you need them the most and be open to moving on to the next person when the time is right.
Sheri Fisher is a Life Coach who lives in Grand Junction. Her practice, Living On Purpose, focuses on personal and professional coaching. The situations and characters in her column are fictional to maintain client confidentiality. Sheri can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or for more information, visit http://www.coachwithsheri.com.