The world for … um? |

The world for … um?

So Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld were in Eagle County last weekend for the American Enterprise Institute’s World Forum, which isn’t at all like Cher showing up for more plastic surgery.The whole thing was pretty uneventful and went much more smoothly than the time Kobe Bryant showed up for knee surgery and liked Eagle County so much he decided to make bunches of return trips.No one around here paid much attention to the World Forum, mostly because the World Forumites would rather not be bothered by the kind of attention that attracts silly-headed sign wavers bemoaning the fate of the snail darter. Besides, Dick and Don and President Gee Dubya are responsible for enough stuff without being blamed for the fate of the snail darter, which really isn’t all that bleak.And the silly-headed sign wavers would likely write on their silly-headed signs stuff like, “Get us out of Beaver Creek!”The World Forum is a bunch of guys who sit around and talk about the kinds of stuff guys talk about when it’s not NFL season – cars and guns and fishing, only couched in terms acceptable to the kinds of international political figures the World Forum attracts.Instead of cars, they discuss intergalactic transportation issues based on future projections of population shifts, as humans who are tired of being hungry try to move to places where they can get food.Which leads the discussion to immigration issues because starvation and poverty don’t tend to have much respect for international borders these days, if they ever did. It’s not like the Good Old Days – which weren’t really all that good – when we were importing mostly white people from Europe and not mostly brown people from Latin American, as well as yellow and brown people from Asia.Which leads the discussion to wreaking havoc on our education system because we know what will happen to our test scores. They’ll go up in math is what they’ll do. And what will that do to the self-esteem of our regular suburban white kids who refuse to blast their broadening bohinies off the couch where they’re playing video games and setting new indoor records for blasting invaders from the planet Lovetron III? And why, while we’re at it, can’t we just buy better test scores by running up a little more credit card debt? Isn’t that the American way?Which leads the discussion to multiculturalism and core American values, or the lack thereof, as illegal aliens somehow manage to find homes and work and create lives for themselves and their families in neighborhoods filled with people going through mostly the same things. These people suppress the pay for U.S. workers as they accept lower wages for jobs and entire industries are eventually shipped overseas. And that gives us something to complain about to one another while we’re buying hundreds of dollars worth of stuff at Wal-Mart.Which leads the discussion to the kinds of health-care services these new arrivals need, because you know we’re a civilized nation and we can’t just leave them helpless and destitute.Which leads the discussion to prescription and non-prescription drugs, and did you know that according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 6,300 American kids will try marijuana during June and July? And where’s THAT party?!?Which leads the discussion to protecting our borders and the firearms necessary to fulfill that mission, as well as our God-given Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms and how the anti-gun nuts are missing the entire point – which is: In the hands of a properly trained user who’s handling them safely and in the proper environment, guns are fun!Which leads the discussion to other stuff that’s fun.Which leads to fishing, which is mostly why international political figures like Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld were at the AEI World Forum in the first place.The fishing was great.Randy Wyrick doesn’t believe everything he reads, or writes, in the newspaper. Contact him at and tell him a story.

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