This drought? It is all her fault |

This drought? It is all her fault

Richard Carnes

“What is?”

“The drought.”

“Come again?”

“The whole reason we’re runnin’ outta water, it’s all because of that woman.”

“Which one?”

“Pretty much all of ’em, but especially that one called Eve. She’s caused us a whole world of trouble.”

“You mean THE Eve, of Adam and Eve fame?”

“That’s the exact one I mean. If it wasn’t for her, none of us men would be have’n any of these troubles.”

“Just what “troubles’ would you be referring to there, Bubba.”

“Why, sex, of course.”

“Sex? As in S-E-X, sex? All of our water troubles are because of sex?”

“Dang straight.”

“OK. … Now, I’m not a stupid man, but just how exactly do you figure on sex being the reason behind it?”

“It’s simple.”

“Well, why don’t you just explain it for dumb ol’ me, please.”

“All right, I will.”

“Thank you.”

“Ol’ Adam was just doin’ fine by himself, enjoyin’ that whole Garden of Eden thing, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“And then come along this bodacious female standing next to a water well and holding an apple, just darin’ him to eat it and offering him a drink at the same time.”

“I’m following you, I think.”

“And then, while she’s making the dare, one of them leaves of hers just happens to fall from its strategically located location – if you know what I mean – and the next thing you know ol’ Adam is pulling on his own leaf and reachin’ for that danged apple.”

“If you say so.”

“Next thing you know, there’s a whole mess of little Adams and little Eves just runnin’ all over the place, lookin’ for places to live and whatnot, all the while makin’ little ones themselves.”

“You’re losing me.”

“Fast forward a few thousand years and you have all these men fighting one another, all for no good reason other than to impress their womanfolk with their muscles and such for sex, while at the same time continuing to make babies so they’ll have more people to fight.”

“But. …”

“Then you have your cities growing, and then they spread out to the suburbs, and from there they spread out to the country and mountain areas – much like we have right here in Vail – and the next thing you know we have a few billion people everywhere, but we still just have that one water well to drink from.”

“OK, I’m sort of back on track, but still …”

“Don’t you get it?”

“Um, get what?”

“That the well ain’t no bigger, but we still keep growing!”

“Well, sure, but …”

“There ain’t no buts about it! Listen to me. There is a finite amount of water available, yet we keep making more people, and pretty soon, there ain’t gonna be enough water for all the people we keep makin’. Therefore something’s got to give, and if it wasn’t for that Eve woman none of this would be happening!”

“Slow down there, Mario. What if Adam and Eve were fiction?”

“Well, that don’t matter. The point’s still the same either way.”

“So it might not be the fault of women tempting men with sex, but instead it could be due to the living location of choice for many of the people created by all that sex.”

“Yeah, I reckon.”

“So, wasting time and energy looking for someone or something to blame for the drought is basically a fruitless endeavor, right?”

“OK. Yep. But I still think fruit played a part in the whole thing.”

“And pointing fingers, especially at the opposite sex, will get you and me and the rest of the male population nowhere except in a deeper hole than we’re already in.”

“I suppose, but the fact still remains that we’re makin’ more people but not more water.”

“Granted. So what are we going to do about it?”


“Finding more efficient ways to use what little water we have left would be a good start, and quit worrying about the weather, since there is nothing we can do about it anyway.”

“OK, but I still think using some form of protection in the future might help prevent …”

“Stop it.”

Richard Carnes of Edwards can be reached at

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