Torque and Recoil Rides Again
A couple of our beloved constituents sent along a proposal that we’re hereby stealing, imploring everyone to avoid buying gasoline on Wednesday, which is today.It’s your patriotic duty.Some number crunchers with too much time on their hands have calculated that if everyone in the U.S. of A. refrained from buying gasoline for one day, oil companies would drown in their own stockpiles and the flapdoodle of their contrived oil shortage and price increases would be revealed to the motoring masses.The best part is that it would hammer the oil industry with net losses of more than $4.6 billion.
Here’s the deal.Randy Wyrick’s “Wy Not?” Torque and Recoil senate campaign is proposing legislation declaring Wednesday, May 19 as “Pack It Up Your Oil Pipe Day!” All Real Americans will stay as far from the gas pumps as possible that day. You are, however, allowed to buy those gas station nachos covered with that processed cheese-like substance and jalapeno peppers.We’ll do this again and again until everyone remotely connected with the oil industry gets the message that we’re mad as heck and we’re not gonna drive it any more – or until the National Endowment for the Industrial Arts can address the situation.Which leads us to today’s local heroes.Wy Not? campaign watchers will recall that we’re replacing the limp-wristed, sissified National Endowment for the Arts with the National Endowment for the Industrial Arts, designed to glorify those who brought us such technological marvels at the motorized barstool and the 500 horsepower motorcycle.Those folks get a grant.It seems a band of brilliant young Eagle Valley Middle School students built a hydrogen powered car to enter in a science competition. They squared off against supposedly the state’s sharpest, young scientific minds, and basically handed them an all-day pumpkin pounding. They took top honors in Colorado.They get a grant. The bigger the vehicle they can convert to hydrogen to bigger the grant they get. If they can figure out how to convert a Ford Excursion to run on hydrogen, they get a grant big enough to put themselves through college. A Peterbilt will set them up for life.But to the task at hand, on Wednesday, buy no gasoline.
To borrow from Arlo Guthrie, if one person walks into a gas station and proclaims, “Pack It Up Your Oil Pipe!” they’ll think he’s nuts and won’t listen to him. If two guys go in and sing “Pack It Up Your Oil Pipe!”, in harmony, they’ll think they’re lost and send them to Massachusetts for their same-sex wedding. But if a multitude stride into a gas station and proclaim “Pack It Up Your Oil Pipe!” they’ll think it’s a movement.And they’ll be right.It’s the Torque and Recoil Campaign Pack It Up Your Oil Pipe Movement.Remember our slogan: “If It Has Torque, Compression, Recoil, Makes a Big Bang or Shoots A Big Bullet, It’s Cool and Americans Need More Of It.””Wyrick for Senate: Let Freedom Rip.”Give Blood SundayEagle County Health Services is hosting a blood drive this Sunday, 10 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., and they need your hemoglobin. Take you and your hemoglobin to 1055 Edwards Village Blvd. in Edwards. Eat and drink something at least four hours beforehand. Call Scott Harmsen at 926-5270.Brilliance among us
• John Steffens of Avon was named to the Dean’s List of Logan College of Chiropractic. John is the beloved offspring John and Liz Steffens. To qualify, you need to have a grade point average high enough to see through the hole in the ozone. Logan College is in St. Louis, MO.• Erika Ammann of Avon has been juried into the 21st annual Decorative Arts Collection Awards competition. The competition coincides with the Society of Decorative Painters annual international conference in Phoenix. Ammann’s entry is a sewing box on a stand, painted in a style from her homeland of Switzerland.• Kaitlin Abplanalp, a junior at Washington and Lee University in Lexington, VA., earned Dean’s List status for the winter term. To ascend to those heights, you need to be naturally brilliant and come from exceptional parental units. In Kaitlin’s case, that’s Art Abplanalp of Vail and Anne Lane of Charleston, West Virginia.•
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