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Town Talk

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Free the Tour de France

Good morning and welcome to another doping scandal at the Tour de France. Probably.

Don’t ask us who’s leading, or who has a chance to wear the fabled yellow jersey past the Arc de Triomphe. We don’t know, and frankly, we don’t care. For all we know, the significance of the yellow jersey is that a rider has just given a urine sample.

Participate in The Longevity Project

The Longevity Project is an annual campaign to help educate readers about what it takes to live a long, fulfilling life in our valley. This year Kevin shares his story of hope and celebration of life with his presentation Cracked, Not Broken as we explore the critical and relevant topic of mental health.

The French and other foreigners still turn out in droves for the race, but since Lance Armstrong ” who, to our knowlege, has never tested positive for anything but kicking the rest of the cycling world’s butt in its premier event seven years in a row ” has left the scene, Americans tend to view the Tour de France the way they would if they left the bathroom light on in the basement: “Is that thing still on? Well, I’ll just deal with it later. Or not.”

Plus, it’s hard to keep track of the action when the giant sideshow of doping is going on just off stage.

So here’s our solution: Let ’em dope. Most of these guys are hyper-trained freaks anyway. Why not see how far they can push it before somebody’s ankle explodes in a mass of tissue and growth hormone?

Of course, with hormones and steroids comes rage. Let’s unbottle that genie, too, and turn the Tour de France into something more like professional wrestling:

“Oh my! Francois the Basque has just jammed a tire iron into the spokes of Enrique the mad Spaniard’s bike. I’ll bet he flew 40 yards over the bars that time, folks. By the way, how far would that be in decameters?”

If we could get “Mean Gene” Okerlund to do the commentary, we might even get the Tour unburied off the same channel you have to search real hard for to find National Hockey League games.

Combining hockey and cycling is another idea whose time may have come, but for now, we have to see if there are any objects hidden in the ring posts surrounding Town Talk Towers.

This could take awhile …

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