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Town Talk

Battleground, schmattleground

If Homer Simpson lived in Springfield, Colo., about now he’d be saying, “Oohhh, I hate living in a battleground state.”

It’s not bad enough that the Columbine State has an open senate seat, which means Mark Udall and Bob Schaeffer are calling each other everything but patriotic Americans. The ads from that race alone are enough to get any even moderately interested voter scrambling to vote for the candidate from the “We All Need to Wear Tinfoil Hats” party.

Combine the senate race with a phone book-sized list of ballot initiatives ” the longest list since 1912, for Pete’s sake, which means we should all look for the line that says “hell no” on every one of them, just to send a message to those petition-passing pariahs ” and you get an election season that’s a bonanza for TV stations (and, yes, radio stations and newspapers), but a pain in the eyeballs and earholes for everyone else.

But it gets worse, friends.

This year, for the first time since about 1992, Colorado is considered a toss-up state in the presidential sweepstakes.

In years past, when Our Fair State was reliably Republican when it came to picking presidents, the national campaigns left us alone. Now, thanks to W., who’s pretty much officially The Most Disappointing President Since Ulysses S. Grant, we’re being subjected to ads for both John McCain and Barack Obama.

“Obama will tax your warm, fuzzy puppies!” McCain’s ads shriek.

“McCain will make you train the guy in Mumbai who’s taking your job!” Obama’s ads holler.

Meanwhile, neither party will admit the reality that there’s plenty of blame to spread around for the mess the country’s in, and that absolutely everyone who’s working in Washington right now needs to be laid off yesterday.

Enough, already. Is the We All Need to Wear Tinfoil Hats party running a full slate of candidates this year?

Help put the Gardens to bed. Betty Ford Alpine Gardens is looking for volunteers to help cut back the Gardens for winter. No experience necessary! Call 970-476-0103, ext. 4 for more details!

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