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Town Talk

1. Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”

Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest



2. “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

Mariah Carey



3. “Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but I can’t remember what they are.”

Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today Show, August 22

4. “I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.”



David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

5. “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”

Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti- smoking campaign.

6. “I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.”

Winston Bennett, Univ. of KY basketball forward

7. “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”

Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

8. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”

Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

9. “I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.”

Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

10. “China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.”

Former French President Charlie De Gaulle

11. “That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”

A Congressional Candidate in Texas

12. “It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

Former U S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

13. “Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.” General William Westmoreland

And last but not least-a parting word from Dan Quayle:

14. “I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”

Nursery Rhymes for Our Time

n SIMPLE SIMON met a Pieman

Going to the fair

Said Simple Simon to the Pieman

“What have you got there?”

Said the Pieman unto Simon

“Pies, you moron!”

n THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL,

who had a little curl Right in the middle of

her forehead…

And when she was good,

she was very very good

But when she was bad

she got a fur coat, jewels, a sports car…..

n HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the kings horses and all the kings men

Had scrambled eggs on toast

for breakfast.

n HICKORY DICKORY DOCK,

Three mice ran up the clock

the clock struck one,

and the others got away with minor injuries.


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