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Town Talk

Daily Staff Report
Eric and Michael H. are finally here. Eric, left, is a recent graduate of Georgetown University who is taking a final vacation before his foray into the real world. Michael, a student a the University of Massachusetts, is looking to have a good time on his spring break. Welcome to Vail, fellows! We're sure you'll have a great trip.

Howdy and welcome to Town Talk, the column that’s proud to ask for your vote, and just about anything else you have.

Help Ellen Casey

The friends of Ellen Casey, a wonderful crew, are hosting a benefit at 8 p.m. today at the Mustang Bar and Grill in Edwards. It’s right on the bus route. Ellen’s a ski school instructor battling breast cancer, and she needs your help. They’re working with the Vail Valley Charitable Fund, and they’re also trying to help themselves. It’s $15 at the door. That gets you a door prize ticket, drink specials, appetizer specials. The silent auction includes restaurant specials, skis, ski pass, gift certificates and all sorts of incredibly cool stuff. It’s a cowboy theme, and there’s a prize for the best cowboy outfit. Call 926-7806 if you have any questions.


Vail Mountain School is helping parents answer that brutal summer question, “What can I do?” VMS is hosting its fourth annual SummerStuff information fair for families in Eagle, Summit, Pitkin and Lake counties. Representatives from more than 25 summer camps and summer activities will be on hand to share information for summer opportunities for children ages 5-18. It’s noon to 4 p.m. today at VMS. These camps are local, state, national and international opportunities. SummerStuff is organized by the Vail Mountain School Parent Association to provide information to families in the central Rocky Mountain region. For admission, please bring one can of food for local charity. Call Vail Mountain School at 476-3850.

God created …

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, green, yellow, and red vegetables of all kinds; so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said, “You want hot fudge with that?” And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “I’ll have another with sprinkles.” And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 10.

So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.”

And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.”

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp, butter dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats and added copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald’s and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, “You want fries with that?” and Man replied, “Yes! And super-size ’em!” And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMO’s.


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