Howdy and welcome to Town Talk, the column whose reality check just bounced.
Movin’ right into it.
The Titan’s Senate Express Rolls On
Basking in the warm fuzzies of our successful St. Patrick’s Day swing through All Things Irish, the Titans of Town Talk have decided that their campaign should remain a fluid, changing, growing and evolving – which is Matt’s idea.
We’ve solidified our political philosophy, “Promise Everything/Deny Everything.” In other words, we’ll tell you anything you want to hear.
And that, my fellow Coloradans, leads us to Today’s Campaign Slogan:
“Wyrick: Torque and Recoil, We Need More Of Both”
Among our other favorite campaign slogans so far –
“Wyrick: Why Not?”
“Wyrick: It Could Be Worse”
“Wyrick: The Voice of Reason?!?”
Our grasp on the issues is only slightly less solid than Ben Affleck’s hold on Jennifer Lopez, and we were going Houdini from a briefing meeting designed to familiarize us with the issues, (we all have issues, and we’re familiar with what they are, and we don’t want to talk about them – We don’t care how you feel. We don’t even care how WE feel) we stumbled across one of those guys-in-the-garage shows where a bunch of True Americans were constructing – and truth is stranger that fiction – a Jet Propelled Peterbilt.
Three jet engines on a semi truck. An American art form at its finest.
It’s those moments when we realize what a great country we live in.
Do you have any idea how many children in Iraq and Afghanistan go to be each night without the hope of ever building a Jet Propelled Peterbilt? ALL OF THEM!
Only in The Land of the Free and The Home of Too Many Power Tools can a True American crank up the octane of his/her inner redneck and build something like this – mostly from the contents of their overflowing aluminum recycling bin and a couple spools of baling wire.
It brought a tear to our All American Eye, we were so darned proud.
That’s the kind of American Ingenuity that made this country great. It’s the kind of self-reliance that makes These United States better at everything than any other country on God’s Green Earth – with the possible exception of Swiss chocolate, and we’re willing to be convinced otherwise by our Loyal Constituents giving us a wide variety of chocolate for scientific testing purposes, strictly for the cause of the campaign.
We are Americans, and that’s why we’re so darned proud that the American Ski Classic is in town this week.
Which leads us to …
American Ski Classic
Today starts the Countrywide American Ski Classic at Golden Peak in Vail, Legends Giant Slalom. The skiing starts at 10am. Spectators can register to win two 2 round-trip tickets on American Airlines to L.A. and two VIP passes to the “Bachelor Rose Ceremony-Post Show.” The new Bachelor is Jessie Palmer of the New York Jets.
On-hand to sign autographs are “Lizzie McGuire” cast members: Jake Thomas and Clayton Schneider and Vail celebrities Trista and Ryan Sutter who will be signing autographs
and giving away free Vail Fire Department T-Shirts. The drawing for airline tickets and VIP passes is at 1 p.m., and you MUST be present to win.
The Titans of Town Talk will be pretty blunt here and say, right out loud, that for it to be a true Legends events, it had BETTER include Tamara McKinney and/or Picabo Street and/or Cindy Nelson.
The Big Dance
The music’s playing and the Big Dance is starting. It doesn’t seem to summon forth the finest in literature.
For example, this from TV Guide’s description of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament:
“To march onward to the Big Dance’s alliterative assignations, teams need to add a win in today’s second round.”
We can picture Bubba Sportfan sitting on the couch contemplating the “Big Dance’s alliterative assignations” of The Sweet 16, Elite 8 and Final 4 and it is NOT a pretty sight.