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Town Talk

Randy Wyrick and Millions of Musical Campaigners

Howdy and welcome to Town Talk, the column that believes Slim Pickens’ face should be on Mount Rushmore. If not there, then at the Rodeo Hall of Fame.

If he’s not already inducted, when we’re elected to the U.S. Senate, we’ll use our considerable influence for the forces of good and get him inducted.

For the uninitiated, The Titans of Town Talk, whose identity as Randy Wyrick is no longer a closely guarded government secret, are running for Senate.

Our campaign slogan, “Wyrick For Senate: The Voice of Reason?!?” has attracted the devotion of all those castaway Howard Dean groupies ” with a bunch less screaming.

Today’s Official Campaign Question: “What Can I Promise To Get Your Vote?”

Today, as we improve on President Dubya’s No Child Left Behind, we propose Universal Electric Guitar Lessons. An electric guitar for all children, and every child gets a copy of “Are You Experienced.” By the end of my first term every child will be able to play “Down On the Corner” by Creedence Clearwater Revival. Either that or “Smoke on the Water.”

We should all be able to play Steve Goodman’s “Perfect Country Song,” made famous by David Allen Coe, who sang it and then forced Goodman to add another verse: “I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison …” and other fine musical literature.

The Musician Laureate shall be Kris Kristofferson or Jimmy Buffet, mostly because Johnny Cash is in Heaven, shrinking yet again the list of Really Cool Guys to Know. Either that or Ted Nugent, in keeping with our Torque and Recoil campaign platform. As you recall, if something has torque, recoil, makes a big bang or shoots a big bullet, it’s cool.

While we’re at it, we’ll change the national anthem to either “Freebird,” “Folsom Prison Blues,” or “Hot Rod Lincoln.”

And remember our political philosophy, “Promise Everything/Deny Everything.”

Hit the Slopes for Youth

A scavenger hunt on Vail mountain to benefit the award winning youth adventure education programs of Meet The Wilderness. Give a $35 donation to MTW and you will get: 1. Entry to the hunt; 2. A free lift ticket from Vail resorts; 3. Free food, music and thousands of $ in prizes at the apres ski party at the Lion Square Lodge!! Event volunteers receive full participation in the activities. An all ages event, but space is limited – Pre register or sign up to volunteer by calling 926-9376 – Check in at the base of the Lionshead gondola from 8-10 a.m. on March 27.

Free dinner

The kind folks at Eagle River Presbyterian Church are hosting a free community dinner, 6 p.m. every Wednesday. They’re at 455 Nottingham Ranch Road. Go to the new roundabout on Highway 6, turn toward Wal-Mart, and Nottingham Ranch Road is on your right just past the roundabout. The church is at the end of the road. If you get lost, just listen for the sound of happy, laughing, well-fed people.

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