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Town Talk

Randy Wyrick and His Raucous Caucus Crew
Special to the DailyCongratulations, Rusty, Laurie and Luke on the arrival of your new baby, Gracie Ann Bossow, born April 13. Love your family and friends.

You don’t need Bill Clinton to have a raucous caucus.

The Titans of Town Talk spent Tuesday evening at the local Democrat caucuses, spreading the message of our Torque and Recoil Bipartisan Human Be In and Senate Campaign. They were real hospitable, and even fed us, even though we are, technically, a Republican. Everybody there was opposed to handouts so they charged us all $15 and everyone felt better.

The Dems are basically pretty nice people who don’t breathe fire nearly as often as Newt Gingrich might have led us to believe.

We’re proud to inform the Body Politic that some of the local Democrats were thrilled (amused?) to learn that Randy “The Titans of Town Talk” Wyrick have the backing from Sen. Hillary Clinton (10 years ago we got her autograph after she politely declined our invitation to dance) and Rep. Mark Udall (“Nice boots,” said Udall).

Both ringing political endorsements.

We’re proud to report that at least a couple local Democrats were not fundamentally appalled by our candidacy ” which we consider even more unqualified support for our Torque and Recoil campaign.

And that’s why were proud today to propose …

Speaking of Torque and Recoil, today The Titans of Town Talk nominate Summit County resident Greg McMurray as a Great American.

Here’s the story. Kristopher Zeller wandered into McMurray’s home about 4 a.m. Sunday, made a bunch of noise and woke up McMurray’s wife ” which should be a felony all by itself. Zeller stumbled around McMurray’s house and repeatedly grabbed McMurray’s 8 year old kid.

McMurray, A Great American, went after Zeller with barbell, then broke two golf clubs over his head, then bent a wrought iron fireplace poker over the intruder when Zeller wouldn’t leave. Zeller kept saying, “Let me explain!” As we have scientifically established, McMurray is A Great American and was in no mood for discourse. He was in the mood to administer an all-night pumpkin pounding. Summit County Sheriff John Minor said, basically, that he’d like to encourage behavior like McMurray’s. Bad guys are easier to catch, he opined, when they’re supine and unconscious. Alcohol, said Minor, might have been a factor. Ya Think?!? Zeller is currently Sheriff Minor’s guest in the Summit County Crossbar Hotel.

In our first foray into pork barrel politics, our press secretary Matt suggested we provide Mr. McMurray, A Great American, a free round of golf, in honor of his quick-thinking use of golf clubs to subdue the intruder. The Good Folks at Cotton Ranch agreed, and McMurray, A Great American, can play at the private Gypsum golf course whenever he chooses.

We’re proud to serve.

“Wyrick For Senate: Let Freedom Rip.”

Whoever sent the envelope of harmless white powder to the district attorney’s Eagle office wrote a name and address on the envelope. For the uninitiated, DA’s office staffers cracked open an envelope and out popped some white powder. The place had to be evacuated. Luckily it was a sunny day.

Volunteers are needed for Saturday’s Eagle Valley 9Health Fair. It runs 8-11:30 a.m. at Eagle Valley Middle School (747 E. 3rd St. in Eagle). Free screenings include blood pressure, BMI, body in balance, stress, dental, vision, skin cancer, and breast exam. The blood chemistry is still only $30. A 12-hour fast is necessary, except for water, and black coffee or tea. The PSA costs $25, Colorectal Kit is $5, and Blood Count is $15. Participants must be 18. No appointments are necessary. Child care is available. Call Paul Steinfort at 524-9366 or 328-6464 from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. weekdays.

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