Howdy and welcome to Town Talk, the column that’s proud to provide our own explanation of Vail’s ongoing discussions about “gross residential floor area.”It’s not the mess left behind by lacrosse players departing from rented condominiums.Vail’s Gross Residential Floor Area is their attempt to keep massive houses from dominating the landscape. In Town Talk Towers, it means you haven’t cleaned house in a couple weeks.At the Cordillera Valley Club, it’s defined as the view of the trailer park below them.For those afflicted with class envy, and who have to look at 12,000 square foot prefabricated McMansions, like those in, say, the Cordillera Valley Club, gross residential floor area is simple – anything that ostentacious is gross.
Miles of MikeDemocratic senate candidate Mike Miles is in town at 6:30 p.m. Friday, at the Collaborative Gallery in Eagle-Vail. It’s next to Ti Amo. Mike is going nose to nose with Ken Salazar for the favor of Colorado Dems. The guy has been all over the globe in the name of doing good. No matter what your political leanings, you need to check this guy out. RSVP to email@example.com, so they’ll know how many of those little meatball things to cook.Scum AlertMy name is Doug Russell, I’m the bar manager at Sweet Basil. I’m calling in to say I lost my work bag, work clothes, work shoes, couple work shirts, work pants, my notebook with all my inventory information, a paycheck for about $202 and some dry cleaning that was wrapped on top, also a CD case with about 20 of my favorite CD’s in it. Anyway, they were lost at George on Friday, June 18. I put it on a shelf behind where I was sitting with a couple of friends from Basil and had a quick beer before I went home, and when I turned around to grab my bag and go, it was gone. So I’m hoping that whoever took it will own up and bring it back or just say you found it and bring it back. I’m at Sweet Basil and I’d like to get my stuff back.Our ever-evolving language
New words for 2004 – Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:• BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.• SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.• SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get rejected and die in the end.• CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.• PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.• MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.
• SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.• STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.• SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.• XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.• IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. Jerry Springer and the O.J. trials were a prime example.• PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.• ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file, who actually do the work. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.