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Town Talk

Daily Staff Writer

Howdy and welcome to Town Talk, the column that clears up the Lance Armstrong substance controversy.Our spies, who are everywhere, tell us the French are are trying to strip Lance of his sixth Tour deFrance title.In a random check for banned substances, 3 substances were found in Armstrong’s hotel room that are banned by the French.The three substances were reported to be toothpaste, deodorant, and soap.Super Sum AlertYou’re never getting out of purgatory for this one.Some hunk of subhuman ooze stole, STOLE, a kid’s prize-winning rabbit from the Eagle County Fair. It’s a Holland Lop, brown and white, and it’s a pet. In the event that the thieves thought they were doing something noble by saving the rabbit from slaughter, you’re a low grade moron. This rabbit is a pet and is for beeding. Is s, in fact, in the throes of the doing the very thing it was born to do – reproduce. The rabbit was pregnant. Even though you don’t deserve it, there’s a $100 reward (more than the rabbit is worth), and they’ll even give you one of the baby rabbits after they’re born. We know it was stolen because the cage was locked up after it was gone.And there’s something else. The family got the call at 7:30 a.m. Saturday, and searched for three hours. The 11 year old girl to whom the rabbit belonged was so heartbroken she started walking from her home in Gypsum to the fairgrounds in Eagle to help in the search.After doing something this heinous, it’s time to do the right thing.Call 524-0404 and tell the truth. You’ll still get the reward and the baby rabbit. No questions asked. They just want their rabbit back.Kayak scum alertA couple people were at the Avon Rec Center when they noticed a tall fellow getting out of a white Toyota Tacoma pickup truck parked in a handicapped space. It seemed a little odd to the people that he didn’t seem to have any discernable physical handicap. Shortly afterward, they noticed the same guy hauling kayaks around and taking what appeared to be a strenuous kayak lesson in the pool.We’re not sure how many people with REAL disabilities needed that space, but apparently this guy wasn’t one of them. Our callers pointed out, and we agree, that if the guy can haul around kayaks, he can walk the few extra steps from a regular parking space, and leave the handicapped for people who really need them.


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