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Town Talk

Randy "Rand The Man Unusual" Wyrick

Howdy and welcome to Town Talk, the column that believes the resolution to the Middle East conflict is to make laxatives not only legal, but mandatory in that region of the world.Movin’ right into it.Birthday GirlThe Princess P called to remind the universe to with Francie Ton a happy birthday. If you see Francie around today, see that an unacceptably high level of fun is had.E-V ElectioneeringThe Eagle-Vail Property Owners Association Annual Meeting and Election is 6 p.m. Tuesday, April 9, at the Eagle-Vail Pavilion. Call 748-9063.Be a 9Health Fair VolunteerThe annual 9Health Fair will be held in Eagle at Eagle Valley Middle School from 8-11:30 a.m. on Saturday, April 13, 2002. Organizers need volunteers for the event. If interested, please call Lions Coordinators Paul or JoAnn Steinfort at 524-9366, or JoAnn at the library, 328-8800. Non-medical volunteers are used for traffic control, reception, registration, sight screening. Medical volunteers are used in areas of specialty, such as phlebotomy, physical therapy, cancer screening, etc.300 Musical ChairsThe Vail Valley Charitable Fund, a fine folks who gave us the the Vail Undressed calendar, the coolest fundraising idea since the invention of legal tender, have come up with another one<Community Musical Chairs at Beaver Creek. It’s the afternoon of Saturday, April 13, the final weekend of ski season at Beaver Creek. It’s musical chairs, so you know the rules. There are 100 chairs in the kids event, and 300 chairs in the adult event. Tickets are $20 for adults and $10 for kids, and are on sale now at the customer service desks of FirstBanks of Avon & Vail, Beaver Creek Information Center, Land Title Guarantee in Eagle, Eagle County Schools district office in Eagle, or charging by phone at 970-328-1182.Cotillion CountdownYou, too, can teach your kid to learn wonderful stuff like how to behave in public social situations that don’t involve a mosh pit and a hip hop group. The Vail Valley Cotillion is for boys and girls from 5th to 8th grades, and starts April 14 at the Eagle-Vail Pavilion. Your kids will learn stuff like dancing and social etiquette programs. Call Chris Eklund at 926-1516. They’re looking for boys, now more than ever, who could be pointed toward a career in the diplomatic corps, or at least some field where they’re supposed to fool people into thinking they’re refined.Blond men exist, tooYour Joke du Jour comes from our Buddy Chuck, who’s responsible for this. Our job is to laugh at it, which we did. It’s PG-13.The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks “Why in the world are you dressed like this?”The cowboy says, “Well it’s like this Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her, so I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt… so I did.”Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants… so I did.”Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts… so I did.”Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, “Now go to town cowboy…’ And here I am.”


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