Unless you’re one of those people who turn immediately to this page (thank you), you’ve no doubt read some fine local journalism on your way to Town Talk Towers this morning.
That’s good, but now it’s time to direct you, dear reader, to the fine print portion of today’s paper, the classified section.
We’re devout readers of the classifieds, and sometimes the legal notices, simply because there’s always a surprise in those tight columns and small type.
Living in a resort haven, there’s always the prospect of finding something valuable that the item’s owners no longer want, so they’re selling it for a fraction of the out-of-the-crate price. Those are dandy moments of discovery, especially if it’s not two days before payday with the rent/mortgage payment due.
But those treasures can be rare.
By far the most consistent fun is scanning for strange stuff.
Monday, for instance, there was an ad in the swap section for a “gas vibrating platform compactor.” We have no idea what a gas vibrating platform compactor is, but the jokes just about write themselves.
Turning the page in Monday’s classifieds, we found a photo ad for a 1998 Lexus ES300, aka The Best Camry Ever. The gentleman selling that car writes, in part, “driven by an old lady … and my wife.”
The seller’s spouse has to put up with a lot.
The best car photo ad, though, is running these days in our sister paper, the Glenwood Post Independent. Someone on the other side of the canyon has for a few weeks now been trying to sell, and we quote, “an electric bus that doesn’t run.” Which sounds suspiciously like a portable john with no hole.
We’re not sure what on earth anyone would do with such a thing, but the seller wants $3,500 or so for it. Good luck with that one.
We’ll keep you posted on the wacky classies as they come in, or feel free to submit your own nominees to email@example.com, or to 949-0555, ext. 613.
We may be a little light on fabulous prizes, but readers will earn immortal glory by being enshrined, if only for a day, in Town Talk Towers.