Howdy and welcome to Town Talk, the column that understands the easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Betty Ford wants you
All members and volunteers of the Betty Ford Alpine Gardens are invited to attend the annual meeting to appoint new board members. It’s 4-6 p.m. Thursday at the Vail Cascade Hotel.
Horse show time
It is show time once again and Berry Creek Equestrian is inviting all equestrians, young and older, English and Western riders to participate on Sept. 20 in the schooling show and barbeque. There will be ribbons, trophies and prizes for the participants. Spectators are welcome. Show starts at 9 a.m. For more info call 926-8003.
Kelly’s an ace
Kelly “Bleeds Dodger Blue” John of Vail nailed an ace at the Breckenridge Bear Course, during the Vail Masters championship event. He drilled his hole-in-one on hole No. 4, a 170-yarder, with a 7-iron. It was witnessed by the trustworthy Dave Singleton, Stephen Collins and Judge Dramis.
Great reasons to be a guy
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind.
You don’t have to learn to spell a new last name.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you to truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress, $2,000. Tuxedo rental, $75
You don’t mooch off other’s desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
Your pals can be trusted to never trap you with “So, notice anything different?”
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
Life after death
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, Sir,” the new employee replied.
“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.
The engineer said: “I like both.”
“Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”