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Town Talk

Daily Staff Report
Special to the DailyDanielle is 5. Happy birthday. We love you. Mommy, Daddy, McKay.

Calling all Veterans

Some local schools will be holding Veterans Day assemblies in your honor. They really need veterans to participate. Call Debbie Robbins at 926-4470 and tell her two things. First, that she’s wonderful; and second, which assemblies you’ll be attending. The schools are hosting receptions for veterans after the assemblies, and they need some numbers.

– Tuesday, 9 a.m., Meadow Mountain Elementary School

– Tuesday, 1:30 p.m., Red Sandstone Elementary School.

Homebuyers class

A first-time homebuyer class will be offered free to the public on Thursday, Nov. 13 at the Avon Town Hall Council Chambers in Avon from 5:30-9:30 p.m. The class is provided through the efforts of the Eagle County Housing Department. First-time buyers will learn more about budgeting, credit repair, types of loans, the loan and approval process, real estate contracts, inspections, how to select a home and the final steps of getting ready to move. Financial assistance programs will also be addressed including the Eagle County Mortgage Credit Certificate Program.

Key Financial Incorporated and Beverly Trout of Vail-Lionshead Real Estate Brokers are sponsoring the event. All interested parties must pre-register for the First-Time Homebuyer class by calling the Eagle County Housing Department at (970) 328-8770.

Newspaper headlines in 2035

– Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

– Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops, livestock.

– Baby conceived naturally; Scientists stumped.

– Authentic year 2000 “chad” sells at Sotheby’s for $4.6 million.

– Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of

the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)

– Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

– George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

– Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89, reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

– 35 year study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss

– Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

–Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

– Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

– Average height of NBA players now 9-feet-7.

– Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

– New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

– Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

– IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

– Florida Democrats still don’t know how to use a voting machine.

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