Town Talk for July 6, 2003
Howdy and welcome to Town Talk, the column that agres with Mark Twain when he writes, “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
Movin’ straight into it.
You might be from a small town, if…
This goes out to the folks in town for July Fourth, and also for the Battle Mountain High School reunion.
You can name everyone you graduated with.
You know what 4-H is.
You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.
You used to drag “main.”
You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn’t (same goes with the game warden)
You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough they’d tell your parents anyhow).
When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
You had senior skip day.
The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
You don’t give directions by street names or directions by references (turn by Nelson’s house, go two blocks past Anderson’s, and it’s four houses left of the track field).
You can’t help but date a friend’s ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend).
Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.
The town next to you is considered “trashy” or “snooty”, but is actually just like your town.
You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the “rich people.”
The people in the city dress funny, then you pick-up on the trend two years later.
You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.
Anyone you want can be found at the feed store.
You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
Directions are given using “the” stop light as a reference.
Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.
You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.
Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.
Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.
You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.
Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.
Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
You can charge at all the local stores.
The closest McDonald’s is 25 miles away…
So is the closest mall.
It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawnmower.
You laugh your head off reading this because you know they’re all true and forward it to everyone who lives in your town!