Town Talk for July 7, 2003 |

Town Talk for July 7, 2003

Vail Dances

Vail Dances, with lessons in Night Club Two-Step and East Coast Swing, will change its scheduled day to Tuesday, July 8, for this week only. Classes are regularly scheduled for Thursday nights, and there will be no class next Thursday, July 10. We will resume our regularly scheduled Thursday nights the following week, July 17. Dance time is from 7 p.m. to 8:30 at Sanctuary, the nightclub over The Tap Room at the top of Bridge Street. Cost for lessons is $10 or $16 per couple, although it is not necessary to bring a partner. Classes include instruction and practice with lots of individual attention. For information, call Susan Weaver at 949-6577.

What our kids teach us

For those who already have children past this age, this is amusing.

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I’ve learned from my children (honest and no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house four-inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3 year old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread-paint-on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When-using-a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before-you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh,” it’s already too-late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A 6 year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

15. VCR’s do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, Tex., has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6 year old is wonderful. First grade … true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, “…And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, “Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'” The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that man said? “One little boy raised his hand and said, “I think he said, “Holy smoke! A talking pig!'” The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. 60 percent of men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid.

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