Town Talk for Sept. 25, 2010
Colorado’s political parties have put the Goober in Gubernatorial, and your beloved Uncle Randy is here to clean up this mess.
We are declaring our candidacy for Colorado governor.
Because great ideas are where you steal them, we’re re-stealing our campaign platform from our U.S. Senate campaign of 2004, which originally we stole from Sterling Moss and the Society of Torque and Recoil.
“If it rolls, floats, flies or shoots, runs on gasoline or gunpowder, goes fast or shoots a big bullet and makes lots of noise, thus producing torque and recoil – it’s cool, and Americans need more of it.”
While I’m sure my opponents are perfectly nice people who love their mamas and babies very much, their campaigns are being run like they’re creating material for their back-to-school essay: “How I shot myself in the foot on my summer vacation.”
Scott McInnis allegedly cheated on his homework, Dan Maes allegedly stretched his resume, and Bill Ritter decided he’d rather run back into the arms of the legal profession after helping steer the state’s economy squarely into the toilet.
That leaves John Hickenlooper, who brews beer at the Wynkoop Brewery near Coors Stadium in Denver. That makes him a formidable opponent and a guy with whom we’d love to have a beer at the ball yard.
But none of them have anything nearly as cool at your Beloved Uncle Randy’s Torque and Recoil Campaign.
“Wyrick for Governor: Let Freedom Rip.”