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Town Talk Towers

Daily Staff Report
Special to the DailyThat's Sara McClure on the left, and those are her beloved parental units, who've come to visit from Iowa. Her brother is here, too. Our spies, who are everywhere, say he never met a ski slope he didn't like.

Randy O’Wyrick and the Irish Eyes

The Titans of Town Talk, whose identity as Randy Wyrick is a closely held government secret, are running for the U.S. Senate, mostly because it sounds like fun. So far, we’ve come out in favor of electric guitars and loud pipes on motorcycles – Great American Stuff. We were moved to action because the other sissy Republicans went running for cover, leaving only Wyrick to carry the flame.

Our carefully considered campaign slogans shout our confidence from the mountain tops – “Wyrick: Why Not?,” “Wyrick: It Could be Worse,” and “Wyrick: The Voice of Reason?!?”

Today’s campaign slogan

n “O’Wyrick: An Irish Senator For Everyone Who’s Irish, And Today That’s Everyone.”

In keeping with our political philosophy, “Promise Everything/Deny Everything.” today we explore our deep Irish roots.

Randy O’Wyrick was born at a very early age in Dublin, and started out life as an Irish child. He has seen Riverdance more times than there are stars in the Irish sky, each time leaving his Irish eyes smiling.

O’Wyrick’s heart soars when he reads Irish poetry, even the stuff about dying and guilt, and also when he sings Irish drinking songs.

His favorite actor is Brian Dennehy. And even though he has been forced to admit this at knifepoint, he says James Joyce is actually a pretty good writer. He’s a big fan of Thin Lizzy, U2 and the Cranberries.

While he is not solely responsible for the Irish peace accords, he fully supports cracking open another Guinness until everyone figures out what’s next.

In the meantime, he is firmly in favor of kissing the Blarney Stone, and, like any good politician, kissing just about anything that he thinks will get him a vote.

Speaking of kissing, this just in: John Kerry has spoken to several foreign leaders who say they’d love to see him in the U.S. Senate.

And so, on this, “The Day O’ the Wearin’ O’ the Green,” but more especially “The Day O’ the Drinkin’ O’ the Green,” if you’re Irish, and everyone is, you are required to vote “O’Wyrick For Senate.”

Birthday brigade

The Princess P, who really is Irish, is back with a bunch of happy birthday wishes.

n Happy anniversary to Cosmic Dave. This summer I hope I get a ride on that Harley. Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Love, Princess P.

n If you see Jack Niswanger at the Eagle Diner, and you might, sing him a happy birthday song.

n Jerry Maxwell will be out and about, so wish him a happy birthday and happy St. Patrick’s Day.

n Happy belated birthday wishes go out to Matt Smith. If you see him at his favorite libation location, the Brush Creek Saloon, buy him a libation.

n Gertie Sullivan’s birthday was Monday, and the celebration continues. Wish Gertie a happy birthday.

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