Vail Daily column: Yet another Christmas poem! |

Vail Daily column: Yet another Christmas poem!

Richard Carnes

Tis the night before Christmas

And all through the Valley of Happy,

Competitive merchants are screaming

Lest we remind them to “stay classy.”

Soon the bars will be closed

And most will be home,

Anticipating a visit

From a fat overgrown gnome.

Luckily the tourists have arrived

And sleeping in overpriced beds,

While dreams of powder days

Dance in their heads.

Presents surround trees

Some real, some fake,

As little ones count sheep

Failing to stay awake.

The day has been spent

Riding carpets of groom,

While nights are enjoyed

By the light of an almost full moon.

Christmas in Vail

Is there no finer place,

To escape the real world

With snow in your face?

And even though at times

We may appear like a valley of Grinches,

It’s good to keep in mind

We’ve already received almost 100 inches.

Out in that real world

There are problems aplenty,

That tug on our hearts

And make us feel empty.

Yes, it’s sad to see ignorant rednecks

Making the big bucks,

While promoting fear of gays and racism

On a dynasty of ducks.

But sit back, relax

And enjoy a fresh Dunkel,

Things could always be worse

You could be Kim Jong Un’s uncle.

Don’t take the little things so serious

Be happy you’re healthy,

Who cares if the leader of the free world

Poses for a selfie.

Just close your eyes and exhale

While you’re wining and dining,

At least you’re not next to a nutjob

Embarrassing the world with fake signing.

And in some ways it’s better

To play the stock market,

Than regret that you used

Your credit card at Target.

Tis also a great place to be

For this most wonderful week,

Behind the stuffy gates

Of good ol’ Beaver Creek.

Yet even BC has issues

Some sublime, some bizarre,

If only they’d change the name

As anything’s more respectful than Vilar.

The Olympics are coming

And who cares about brawn,

When we have such ladies

Known as Shiffrin and Vonn.

And who could forget

We won’t need a big screen,

When the World Championships are live

Here in 2015.

And for those who live

In a smoke-filled haze,

As long as you’re over 21

It’s perfectly legal in just eight days!

Yes, we feel like we’re safe

In our Rocky Mountain bubble,

Whether true or not is irrelevant

At least we pretend we’re staying out of trouble.

It’s the reason we live here

Well, at least a big one,

Our options are endless

For us to have fun.

It’s the one time of year

We’re all nice to each other,

Sharing food and drink

With politeness we smother.

So for those not in tune

With all this religious business,

Cherish that you don’t have to believe in magic

To enjoy the magic of Christmas.


Read it and weep

Try your best not to get sick,

Even though you just read

The 14th crappy Christmas poem, by Dick. 

Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at poor@

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