Vail Daily columnist Richard Carnes: Both debates were a bunch of … malarkey
Commonly known in the fine non-Irish tradition as bovine excrement, hypocritical malarkey is easily the most appropriate method to describe both national debates so far.
Debate No. 1:
— Gov. Mitt Romney is praised by the elephants as an attack dog on steroids that shredded his opponent with wit and facts. His constant interruptions of moderator Jim Lehrer are extolled as an ambitious act of steamrolling over the competition, intimidating President Obama to the point he is too afraid to dare challenge Romney directly on a single subject.
— President Obama is praised by the donkeys for his thoughtful poise and steady ability to remain calm in spite of the nonsense being spewed by his opponent. Never one to fulfill the GOP wet dream stereotype of an angry black man, he instead shows respect and dignity for the office he currently holds, and has faith the American people will see right through his opponents’ facade of suddenly becoming a moderate as opposed to the far right extremists they all know he really is.
Debate No. 2:
— U.S. Rep. Paul Ryan is praised by the elephants for his thoughtful poise and steady ability to remain calm in spite of the nonsense being spewed by his opponent. Never one to fulfill the liberal wet dream stereotype of a religious-based ideologue hell bent on turning America into a theocracy, he has faith the American people will see right through his opponents facade of being a bulldog as opposed to the socialist he really is.
— Vice President Biden is praised by the donkeys as an attack dog on steroids that shredded his opponent with wit and facts. His constant interruptions of moderator Martha Raddatz are extolled as an ambitious act of steamrolling over the competition, intimidating U.S. Rep. Ryan to the point he is too afraid to dare challenge Biden directly on a single subject.
Sigh. Each side wastes time and energy condemning the other for doing exactly what they just previously applauded themselves for doing.
One is arrogant, aggressive, discourteous, immoral, offensive and will do anything and say anything to get (or stay) in the White House, while the other has the headstrong demeanor of a 14-year-old school girl in Afghanistan simply trying to do what common sense dictates is right for the world.
It all seems so pointless to me, but yes, I do understand that the ever-elusive undecideds actually exist, and that these debates can accomplish more than just a strengthening of the base.
Let’s all try to look past the Irish malarkey and enjoy tonight’s debate instead of wasting so much time analyzing facial expressions, goofy guffaws or how much water somebody drinks.
But I do admit to wishing that just once we could have a debate with Chuck Barris from the old “Gong Show” as the moderator. Not only would certain segments of the nation get a kick out of watching Obama being yanked off stage with the curled end of a long cane, but other segments would simultaneously witness Mitt staining his magic underwear.
Richard Carnes of Edwards writes weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.
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