Vail Daily columnist Richard Carnes: Hooray, we’re all rich! |

Vail Daily columnist Richard Carnes: Hooray, we’re all rich!

I am white.

I am wealthy.

I drive a Mercedes.

I live in Vail, Colorado, one of the most obnoxious ski joints in the world, at times referred to as Neiman Marcus with snow. In Vail, everyone looks alike, dresses alike and even lives in identical structures with identical furnishings, and we are known for our blatant hatred of city folk, especially those who do not have blond hair and blue eyes. I am a member of the Colorado Political Elite, I can buy my way out of anything, and our cop-to-citizen ratio is 3 to 1.

If my Mercedes is damaged, I have every right to call Tele-Aid (Mercedes Auto Assistance Service) and demand a tow and a fix and perhaps a latte, if needed.

How my Mercedes was damaged is irrelevant, as long as my call is made from the parking lot of a Pizza Hut in Avon and everyone around me is fully aware and in compliance with the notion of Eagle County justice being in perfect synchronicity with the balance in my local checking account.

Any questions?

Every sentence and implied scenario that you just read, in one form or another, came directly from multiple online comments and their supposedly honest feelings about Vail and the nasty stereotyping of its inhabitants.

As when Kobe went LILF hunting at Cordillera (L = locals, for the curious), the international consensus, according to big dogs such as ABC News, USA Today, the New York Observer and even the Daily Mail in England, is that all of us in Happy Valley somehow fit neatly into a little box of pigeonholes supplied in no thanks whatsoever by D.A. Mark Hurlbert and his “courageous” decision to go against the wishes of a victim.

Well, Burt, this one makes me want to hurl.

Hurlbert, who for some reason reminds me of Woody Harrelson, has once again propelled Vail to the front of the international embarrassment line by making legal decisions based upon what the rest of the free world considers misguided interpretations of law.

The Internet is ablaze with folks declaring to never again vacation in Vail and, in many cases, to stay away from the entire state, all because of their silly perceptions that one man’s actions define an entire populace.

Remember Streisand’s bold stance against the entire state for 1993’s Amendment 2?

I didn’t think so.

Still, I’m tired of having Vail and Eagle County dragged through the proverbial world wide Web of mud because of boneheaded choices made by elected officials. If these people think they are helping the situation by punishing the 99.99999 percent of innocents in this valley, I shall only presume that where stupidity reigns, ignorance rules.

We elected Hurlbert, and we’ll deal with him and this issue the best way we know how, which (hopefully) means with legal common sense.

For those who actually believe some of the nonsense above, good riddance.

Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at Comment on

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