Vail Daily columnist Richard Carnes: Keep it in your pants, tough guy |

Vail Daily columnist Richard Carnes: Keep it in your pants, tough guy

Richard Carnes,
Vail, CO, Colorado

Guns sales are surging yet again!


For some reason, we’re supposed to act surprised at such an oft-repeated revelation, especially if we’re watching FOX News or following the Drudge Report.

Meanwhile, the NRA is busy spreading its member-inducing nonsense about blue-helmeted thugs coming to “take away your guns!” and any other phrase of impending doom that they can scream to produce paranoia and unfounded fears.

All are ignoring the 800-pound gorilla in the room, which now actually weighs about 117 tons, and contains the digested remains of thousands of innocent men, women and children.

Support Local Journalism

“But Richard,” you plead, “they’re coming to take my guns!”

Oh please. No, the ever-elusive “they,” are not.

Be assured that if it ever reaches that point, I will be in your corner.

Until then, you are coming across as paranoid extremists screaming like Chicken Little that the sky is falling when in reality, it’s nothing more than a few nuts on your head.

And spare me all the macho steer guano conspiratorial babble, as it’s little more than penile extensions for most, like driving a Hummer to your bank job in Houston each morning.

Being a man has nothing to do with what you eat, drink, wear or whether you are packing heat when you leave the house. It’s how you treat others and what you do to make the world a better place after you’re gone that makes you a real man (same for women, of course).

If you live where you feel so unsafe that you simply must carry a weapon to go purchase a loaf of bread, then, as opposed to arming yourself to the teeth, I suggest you move.

No one – except a few extremists on the left side – is even suggesting, by any stretch of the imagination, that the federal government remove sensible weapons from the hands of sensible citizens.

However, most are suggesting a common-sense approach to limiting accessibility to assault rifles, large-capacity ammo clips and the potential for selling RPGs at Walmart.

Implying otherwise is little more than politicizing an issue for personal gain and twisting it into an “us versus them” dispute to make “them” look bad.

The politics never end.

And the idiocy behind “the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun” gibberish should be reserved for video games and the mentally unstable.

We don’t need military-grade assault rifles to go hunting, yet to hear some talk you’d think all Americans live in war zones that are constantly under assault. Reality shows there are far more murders, accidents and suicides with guns than there are criminals thwarted by non-law enforcement Bubbas with assault weapons.

And, seriously, if you’re the kind of parent who wants every teacher to carry a gun, then you’re the kind of parent I never want within miles of my kids or their teachers. Teachers are there to teach, leaving you, with your testosterone-filled overcompensating emotions, as part of the problem, not the solution.

I understand that guns are never going away, nor do I have anything against the Second Amendment except extremists’ interpretations based on 17th century lifestyles.

We’re a violent species, evolved creatures intent on surviving, that will do almost anything to prevent our own demise. Hooray for us.

I have no issues with someone owning a gun as long as they are mentally stable and have a clear understanding of the responsibility that ownership mandates.

I’m hoping we can use a little common sense and rational thought to move on down the road and just ignore the extremism spewing from both sides.

Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at

Support Local Journalism