Vail Daily columnist Richard Carnes: Richard ponders his picks |

Vail Daily columnist Richard Carnes: Richard ponders his picks

One week from this very day, the world as we know it will change forever, the resulting paradigm shift so drastic that future historians will spend entire careers studying its lasting impact upon mankind.

Or not.

Next Tuesday’s election results will, in all likelihood, provide no more life-changing alterations than a slight speed bump on America’s progressive highway – no more lasting impact than a surprise snowflake in July.

Either way, what follows is not necessarily how I wish for things to turn out but rather how I expect them to end before bedtime that evening.

Amendments 60, 61 and Proposition 101: All three provide a clear opportunity for anyone who thinks taxes have been heading the wrong direction for decades. Time to put your vote where your tax dollars have been going. Even though I think all three will fail miserably, I’m voting for each.

Simply put, one cannot keep complaining about taxes unless one is willing draw a line in the sand, somewhere, at some point. Sadly, many (most) will continue to debate the when, where and hows of that “point” instead of, to paraphrase S. Palin, “Manning up.”

Amendment 62 (aka Taliban amendment): For the umpteenth time, the pious are attempting to convince the rest of us (the pesky infidels) that the exact moment male and female gametes fuse, forming a single zygote cell, a soul is assigned by (insert deity of choice), and even though these are many of the same who claim to hold property rights so dear, they fail to support a woman’s right to her own friggin’ body. It doesn’t have a prayer (pun cannot help but be intended).

Amendment 63 (anti-ObamaCare): If you don’t want no stupid health care, then you ain’t got’s to have none! Be aware, however, that even if it passes (which it will not), federal law will still supersede, thus in 2014, the damn gov’mit will still be able to force you to have health insurance anyway. I’m voting for it out of principle.

1A: County commissioners extended for one additional term: No. Allow me to rephrase that: Hell no!

1B: Medicinal Marijuana allowed to continue operating in Eagle County: Yes. Only vote no if you wish to embolden the black market more than it already has been. Decapitating Mexican thugs await with bated breath.

County commissioner: Toss up. Seriously, I simply haven’t made up my mind yet, though I am leaning toward change, again, out of principle Governor: Hickenlooper’s nameplate for his office door should be just about ready by now. Tancredo’s a national embarrassment, and Maes should have looked before he leaped.

Colorado Senate: Buck’s extremism is scary, Bennet appears weak, but in all honesty, the use of scare tactics to influence votes has been old (for me) since Jimmy (“Beware the Misery Index!”) Carter.

Judges: As a good rule of thumb, benches should always be atop rotating platforms, thus never allowing any one individual too much face time.

For clerk and recorder (Simonton), treasurer (Shaeffer), assessor (Chapin) and coroner (Bettis), I say hearty congratulations for running brilliant mud-free campaigns! Helps when you have no opposition.

For Christine O’Donnell (supernatural fetish), Carl Palladino (mafia fetish), Rich Lott (Nazi fetish) and all of the other as-yet-undiscovered fetish lovers running for public office, I simply hope your 15 minutes is sitting digitally at 14:59.

Please note, of course, that I might be wrong on all of the above. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at Comment on

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