Vail Daily columnist Richard Carnes: Yes, we’re all still here
May 23, 2011
OK, as predicted (as if such a superficial act was actually needed), once again the Great Pumpkin failed to show for his (or her) spectacular finale. So the only real question that remains, in my intellectually-challenged opinion, is what have the rest of us, having survived the latest never-ending, ever-impending, no-show of fate yet again, learned this time around the Doomsday block?
For starters, my weekly Sunday night column deadline of 9 p.m. is still in strict effect.
Thousands, perhaps many more than that, were actually sad that billions of non-believers did not die last Saturday.
Millions, perhaps billions, of non-believers were actually happy that a few thousand delusional nutcases did not die the same day.
Around the world, in spite of the mock fear, the real terror of America’s debt is still growing at an alarming rate.
One in four homes nationally are still underwater, financially speaking.
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One in four homes along the Mississippi are still underwater, literally speaking.
In a major shocker, Israel and Palestine still hate one another. However, Israel now hates Obama almost as much as Hamas hates Obama, in spite of the loose fact that the letters in the legal name, Barack Hussein Obama, can still be rearranged to spell “United States of America.”
India and Pakistan still absolutely loathe one another, and still live for the day they can prove whose plutonium rods are bigger.
Believing Pakistan is our biggest ally in the Middle East is still like believing Steve Jobs works on a PC at home.
All economists, especially those of an international flavor, are still considered possible sexual deviants.
Locally, the snow is still melting (albeit slowly) and the grass and trees are still beginning to resemble springtime.
EverVail is still quietly going through the approval process.
The Ritz is still in foreclosure, and Cordillera is still in deep doo-doo.
Avon is still waiting patiently for a village to be built, and Minturn is still waiting for its cash cow to start milking.
The Gore Range Brewery is still serving the best commercial-grade homebrew in Eagle County.
Newspapers can still print the name of local bands with names like “Ape Tit.”
Though the crazies are still around, at least we will not have to deal with any of this nonsense for a few more months, at which point the 2012 fanatics will start making the daily news again.
So suffice it to say that in spite of these little sideshow carnivals of ancient belief systems and their fear-mongering nonsense about magical life after death, everything that was good in this world is still good, everything that was crappy is still crappy, and the rational among us will never stop trying to make this world a better place.
But we could use a little more help.