Vail Daily Human Hints: Set your personal boundaries |

Vail Daily Human Hints: Set your personal boundaries

Quentin Danzinger
Human Hints
Vail, CO Colorado

We must set and maintain personal boundaries in order to define who we are. This is really hard for some people, and others aren’t even aware of the concept.

Some people will push you just to see how far they can go, and we need to be able to stop a situation the instant it progresses beyond our personal comfort zone. The longer we wait to express our boundaries, the harder it becomes. When we learn to do it instantly, it becomes second nature.

We need to be able to recognize our discomfort and act to stop what’s causing it. We need to be able to say, “This is not alright with me. Stop right there,” calmly and in no uncertain terms. When we remain calm, we maintain our authority. There is no power in hysteria.

It is not alright to passively go along with any situation that you don’t want to be a part of. I know you don’t want to make waves. I know you don’t want to upset anyone because that brings pain, but how painful is it to endure external dominance for the rest of your life? What is the cost of your own personal self expression?

Maintaining your boundaries empowers you. Your boundaries help define you, so when you put energy into maintaining them, you strengthen your self. When you declare your own self-worth to the world, the world will value you. Not stating your boundaries disconnects you from your personal power. You send the message that you can be stepped on and abused, and there are plenty of opposite polarities, desperate to oblige.

Know your boundaries and make them clear to those who cross them. Don’t react emotionally, just be calm and assertive in making your boundaries clear. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed by your discomfort. Be proud that you have boundaries that you won’t let other people cross.

When you make your boundaries known, you show that you respect your self. When you respect yourself, others will be forced to respect you. Maintaining your boundaries commands the respect of others.

Don’t use this as an excuse to be difficult, for there is a fine line between defining your boundaries and being a pain in the ass. It is always important to cooperate and make life easy when we have the chance. People are sometimes proud of their stubborn nature, but it is self-defeating and ignorant to make yourself blind to other perspectives.

Define your boundaries, and don’t let people cross them. If you rock the boat, it will induce the change you need. Embracing your personal power will move you into an empowering state of self-expression.

Quentin Danzinger is a Vail resident. He has a Bachelor of Science degree in Engineering Physics from Colorado School of Mines. He can be reached at To receive this column in your daily e-mail, go to

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