Vail Daily relationship column: What are your most attractive traits? |

Vail Daily relationship column: What are your most attractive traits?

Editor’s note: This is the second of a two-part series.

You know what’s wrong with you. You know most of your flaws, what you do poorly, where you are particularly vulnerable and when you don’t measure up. Likewise, you know when you’re only half-hearted, and you know when you don’t try at all. But before you begin feeling badly about yourself, consider the following questions regarding what’s good about you.

Where do you shine? When are you effective and skilled? When are your actions, words and behaviors proficient and accomplished — even artful? What are your most attractive traits and qualities?

Look at What’s Right

Many people are so focused on what they consider to be wrong about themselves that they fail to look at what is right about them. The following is a collection of behaviors and traits that just might help define some of your finest qualities and attributes. Which of these fit you?

You let other people in. You allow yourself to feel attached and vitally engaged with other people, and you are open to and interested in others. This trait is necessary in order for us to have close relationships, a successful marriage, close family connections and vital friendships. It asks us to sometimes put the interests of others equal to (or above) our own.

You are able to both give and receive love. When we are able to love and be loved, we feel more fully alive and engaged in our lives.

Kindness. Being compassionate, considerate and empathetic toward other people, and to forms of life other than human.

Integrity. Acting honorably and honestly in your dealings with the world. Consistently saying what you mean and meaning what you say, and telling the whole truth. Other people can trust your words and agreements.

Perseverance. Going after what you want, and not letting setbacks or failures stop you. Not giving up in spite of formidable obstacles, and staying with a task or a goal until it is finished.

Resilience. Bouncing back from setbacks, disappointments or defeats. Learning how to wisely cope with difficulty, adversity or loss. Able to face great ordeals and painful experiences without losing your poise, your dignity or your spirit.

Being socially adept and skillful. Knowing how to get along with others, and being attuned to the moods, temperaments and needs of other people.

Being comfortable with emotions. Being finely attuned to your feelings, and the feelings of others. Being in charge of your feelings most of the time so they don’t take you over.

Feeling a sense of gratitude and thanksgiving. Being conscious of the good things that happen to you, and being thankful and grateful. Knowing that you are blessed, and frequently remembering your blessings.

You are playful, able to use humor and you know how to have fun. Can you play well with others? Do you know how to have fun? Where does your sense of humor show itself?

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Westminster and Boulder. His column is in its 23rd year of publication and is syndicated around the world. You can reach him at 303-758-8777, or email him through his website: He is the author of the new book: “Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Keeping the Flame Alive.”

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