Vail Relationships column: How do I create a connection with a new man?
Attend the seminar
Neil Rosenthal will be offering a one-day workshop open to the general public. “Love, Sex and Staying Warm: A Relationship Skill Building Workshop” will be offered Saturday, April 23, in Westminster. For information and registration, contact firstname.lastname@example.org.
Dear Neil: All guys end up rejecting me. Upon meeting with them, I try to be responsive by asking them questions like: “Do you like television show ‘X,’ what’s your favorite movie from when you were little, what activities do you like,” and so on. But they aren’t responsive to my questions. What can I do to improve?
Wanting to Get This Right in Poland
Dear Poland: It sounds as if you’re not establishing a connection with a potential boyfriend. Connections are enhanced by three things: how physically or chemically attracted you are to each other, how personally open the two of you are about your lives and feelings and whether each of you think the other is a good fit for you.
Because attraction is so important, always look your best for your first several get-togethers. Then, see if you can create a connection between the two of you by asking questions of a more personal nature. Personal questions ask someone to reveal himself or herself a little bit, and they often assist two people in feeling greater levels of connection with each other.
Here are several such questions you may try: “What makes you proud of yourself? What do you like about yourself? How do you express your creativity? Tell me about the goals you have for yourself over the next five years or so. What do you think people like about you? What are your most attractive qualities? What do you offer as a romantic partner?”
Participate in The Longevity Project
The Longevity Project is an annual campaign to help educate readers about what it takes to live a long, fulfilling life in our valley. This year Kevin shares his story of hope and celebration of life with his presentation Cracked, Not Broken as we explore the critical and relevant topic of mental health.
Reveal yourself, too
These are more personal questions, and if asked and answered sincerely, then they will lead you to feeling a greater connection with each other. But don’t just ask these questions, be willing to answer the same questions and reveal about yourself what you are asking him to reveal.
Also, the entire getting-to-know-you process is not solely up to you. Both parties need to be interested in each other. None of this will work if either of you simply don’t have romantic interest in the other, if either of you are reluctant to be known by someone else or if one of you just doesn’t allow yourself personal involvement with the other. If that happens, then find someone new, and try all this again and keep doing this until you create a connection with someone.
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Westminster and Boulder. His column is in its 25th year of publication. You can reach him at 303-758-8777, or email him through his website, http://www.neilrosenthal.com. The second edition of his book “Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating A Vital Relationship” recently hit the No. 1 best-seller list on Amazon its first day of release, both nationally and internationally.