Vail Relationships column: Woman asks, ‘why am I still single?’
Dear Neil: I live in a community where there are five men for every woman. Yet when a close friend of mine and myself open ourselves to a possible relationship with one of these men, things go wrong. My friend and I have open hearts, are strong women, we have substance, we both have professional careers, we are good listeners and we are compassionate.
I am 55 years old. I’ve learned to not only survive but to thrive in my life. I’m bewildered about why I still don’t have a solid, committed, supportive, loving relationship in my life.
Two Bewildered Single Women in Vail
Dear Bewildered: Five men for every woman in your community does not mean you have 5-to-1 odds in your general age category, and it also doesn’t mean you are meeting enough of the right men. This could simply be bad luck, and if that’s the case, your fortune will change if you just wait it out.
But while you’re waiting, perhaps you might expand your interests so you participate in new activities that you find intriguing, entertaining, thought provoking or fun, so you are meeting entirely new people. In addition, you could try meeting new people through online dating sites, and you might consider expanding your reach beyond where you live, such as men who live within 90 minutes of you. That way, you give yourself more romantic possibilities within striking distance.
You might also try volunteering at your local animal shelter, with an environmental group or for a political campaign or cause. You might sign up for a tennis class, groups that hike or ski together and you might try a dance class. You could go to wine-tasting events, farmer’s markets, food-tasting events or other such community activities.
You could also take classes at a local college, a cooking school or an adult continuing education school. In addition to expanding the crowd with whom you socialize, make sure you look your best. And you’re more appealing when you talk about something you are interested or passionate about — but be sure to ask a man about himself, since people love to talk about themselves.
Make sure you are not coming across critical or rejecting of the men you meet. And pay close attention to whether or not you’re doing anything to push the men away that you are attracted to or whether you are coming across walled off to them. Finally, don’t give up. Keep your spirits high, and then go out there yet again and do everything you can to make your dream come true.
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Westminster and Boulder. His column is in its 25th year of publication. You can reach him at 303-758-8777, or email him through his website, http://www.neilrosenthal.com. The second edition of his book, “Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating A Vital Relationship,” recently hit the No. 1 best-seller list on Amazon its first day of release, both nationally and internationally.
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